[ it's a parasite!!! dextera can't answer while guren is grabbing his shoulder, and so he gently pulls himself away from guren's worried hand to try to explain more. whatever he says, though, probably isn't going to go well. that's just the nature of the game! ]
[At the very least, he gets the hint and pulls his own hand back. Dextera keeps typing so calmly, and Guren thinks that must mean he's fine... They've been here nearly two months and it hasn't changed anything, right? So was it fine? But...]
Can't you understand how that would be worrying? Can't something like that kill you? Do you need it taken out?
It's the reason I don't need to cook anything. It protects me from raw and rotten meat, as long as I keep it alive.
[ he's only typing calmly because he is really not stoked about its existence. it's kind of big, and it's been inside him long enough that he is, admittedly, a little worried about it? but the last thing he wants is for it to be taken out, when it does such a good job! ]
[He doesn't know what to say to this. It... helps, then? If Dextera is processing things like human hearts. But... Is that bad for him, then? He stares at Dextera's face, rather than his arm, giving him the most concerned frown he's ever openly expressed here in this town.]
I won't look at it anymore if you promise to tell me if it changes for the worse.
I will, but it won't change. I've had a lot of them. This is just the newest one.
[ honestly if it didn't seem like it would kill him for real, he might have already tried to start looking for new ones—but there's no way to know that there are even any viable ones out there, in the forest, and it's hard to raise a family with just one little guy in there!! ]
[It's incredibly clear that Guren isn't happy with that answer. There's no attempt at even expanding on what it does, or reassuring him, so he can only assume that the answers aren't good. Hiding it from him, and so stubbornly, without holding back... He doesn't want to admit it bothers him.
Beyond that, it just doesn't feel right. And when he'd just been celebrating the drug he made to make things easier, too.]
Whatever. Then we're moving on. [In clear anger, he allows that topic to drop, turning away from his laptop and over to the other items on the table. That's right... There are a variety of liquids he hasn't mentioned at all. He unhooks his sword from his waist, leaning it against the far end of the table, and picks up one of the glasses.
The liquid is grey, since the majority of the ingredients were, as well.]
Now, it's me who has to try a few things. I just need you to watch.
[ the thing about his silence is that it's pretty easy to maintain, when there's something he doesn't want to say. he's a truthful person by nature, but the fact that he can't talk is an easy excuse to avoid explaining things when he doesn't want to—and right now, he doesn't want to! sorry!!! ]
...
[ he is genuinely sorry to have pissed guren off, but if they're moving on, they're moving on. he gets rid of his own document with the evidence of their brief, awkward conversation, and then he follows guren closer to the table.
"to watch"? that doesn't bode well, but... reluctantly, he nods. ]
[Guren holds out his arm when Dextera gets close enough, keeping him at roughly that distance. That probably also doesn't bode well, but he wants to be cautious. With a stare down at the glass that's honestly just as reluctant as Dextera had been, he tips his head back and downs it, shoving the glass down immediately after.
It's disgusting, and that's his first reaction coughing with a hand over his mouth, and for a moment, he's hoping that's all it'll be.
But then pain shoots through his body, enough to make him yell, which is strange enough. His legs buckle, and then he's on the ground, shaking violently, still making strained, pained noises.
This one didn't work at all... He can't even test it for its intended purpose if this is the effect it gives.]
[ dextera's was disgusting, but it didn't seem harmful at all. was dextera moments away from this for himself? was his parasite the only thing standing between him and certain death?!
he's not thinking these selfish thoughts right now, though, with guren on the floor after yelling like that. should he get help? should he stay here? guren seemed to anticipate that something like this might happen, but has he been testing things on himself the whole time? dextera follows guren to his knees, and he wonders if purification could be the answer here... but then he might just kill guren, and that would be bad for both of them. instead, his hands hover a safe distance away, though he cranes his neck like he wants to call for help upstairs.
[ Even if he did have a voice, Guren had a sound muffling seal on the door right now. He’s just conscious enough to reach out with one shaking hand, wincing through the motion. ]
D-don’t... [ Hopefully that’s clear enough. Don’t tell them, don’t call for them, they don’t know a thing. If he had suspected this one would cause such a large reaction, he might not have risked it in front of Dextera. These plants had such mild effects separately, but together, this is what the combination does?
It lasts another fifteen seconds before it stops, and he’s left gasping for breath, shaking only from remnants of the pain that had been shooting through him moments ago. ] I’m okay. [ He’s winded, but there are no external injuries? Just his tired face. ] It’s alright. I messed up on that one.
[ dextera gets what he means immediately, but it doesn't make him feel better. he's suspicious again of what's going on down here, between guren's reaction and the insistence on not calling for help—it's not good, right? this is bad, and it makes him wary of taking more of that potion that was concocted for him, even if the effects are as beneficial as can be. ]
...
[ he sighs out a worried breath that sounds almost on the verge of tears, but luckily for guren, he manages to hold that back before anything spills through. he tightens his fists hard enough to form crescents in his palm instead, and he looks at guren with an expression that clearly demands him to explain. ]
[ As he evens out, he reaches to cover Dextera’s clenched hand with his own, breathing deeply. ]
The one you took was the seventh try to get things right. Then, I had to try that one a handful of times, over a handful of days, before I had you try it to make sure it worked. [ A brief start to this all, a lead in. ]
This one here was a first try. The next two are thirds. If I want to be able to help everyone here, then solutions like these have to be found. If I can help treat injuries, or block against magic, or increase strength... Then it could make emergency situations more controllable.
[ dextera does understand, and he finds it noble in that sense—he didn’t doubt that guren wanted to help, but this seems like such a price to pay. guren is too reckless with his own body.
but so is dextera! the next ones, he gestures to, and then urgently to himself. if guren thinks he can just take those drugs in front of dextera and not have dextera volunteer to help, he has another thing coming to him!!
his organs probably actually would explode and he would die, however, so it’s best to stop him here before he becomes determined to do it. ]
[ He knew showing him this would have him volunteering. It’s something that can’t be helped, and he’s already got an answer, gripping the edge of the table as he pulls himself up. ]
These drugs are entirely reworking the body. I can give them to you when a side effect is as simple as nausea... like yours was. [ He’s standing, and he sighs, moving to his laptop to type out the failure. ] But when they’re unknown, it can be as much as organs rupturing. I’m the only one who can survive something like that.
[ dextera follows him, of course, now with the intention to get a look over guren's list to see just how many of them are failures—any of them is more than dextera wants to see, because he knows guren has tested all of them on himself up to this point. that's bad. that's terrible, in fact, but dextera can't do anything but grip guren's arm like he's trying to steady him on his feet.
he seems to be fine already after that, mostly, but dextera suddenly feels quite useless. the contact is nice. ]
[ There are a ton of failures, since each item has to be tested individually, and then with combinations... There’s details of what happened, too, but after Guren quickly writes “excruciating pain,” he tabs out. He feels bad... There’s a reason he wants to test these specific ones in front of Dextera and not Ryo, but if he had known it would be that sort of reaction, he wouldn’t have. ]
I don’t like it, either. [ That noise was just too sad? He leaves his arm in Dextera’s hold, his other hand touching Dextera’s for comfort. ]. But I’m used to it, and my body works like this, so it makes the most sense. I don’t want to tell anyone else about the details of this, but the truth is it’ll help a lot in emergency situations. That’s how things are.
he's not wrong, and dextera has to keep telling himself that in order to avoid getting upset about it. even dextera himself is no stranger to drugs—self-administered and not. he's died from them and he's lived from them, but his consciousness can't ever truly go away, so he's never been as worried as he should have been.
seeing someone else with that confidence unsettles him, though, when it's someone he cares about. ]
...
[ his reluctant gaze turns to those other drugs again, and then he looks at guren. he's already been told no, but does guren really have to test them now? ]
[Guren follows his gaze to the drugs, and it doesn't come back. His thumb swipes over Dextera's hand before he drops his own away again, and there's something distant about his expression.
It was stupid to do any more than hand Dextera his own drug. He realizes that now. In the moment, he'd thought that testing these particular ones in front of Ryo could nearly kill him, and that brat wouldn't care or do a thing. If his demon went crazy? Nothing would change. Dextera had promised to kill him if something went wrong.
But that's selfish. He was being selfish, again. As much as he deserves the pain and whatever else might come from these tests, no one else deserves to watch them. At least Ryo doesn't react.]
I can do it later. [It's worrying to do this in the basement, anyway. Akira and Yata could run into him... even if he doesn't always like doing it in the apothecary.] I'll just give you what I have of yours.
[Turning more towards the red, fuller jar, he pulls some smaller, oddly shaped jars he'd found from the apothecary so he can fill them.]
[ dextera is relieved to hear that guren is going to postpone it, even though he realizes that guren is not stopping, just doing it where dextera can't see. if something were to happen... there's no good answer here. he doesn't want to watch, but he doesn't want guren to do this alone, either. he doesn't really want guren to do this at all, but it's already set in motion and guren is stubborn about these things in a way that dextera doesn't have the willpower to argue.
so, instead, he'll try to compromise. he follows guren to the table, where his own supply has been made, and he doesn't try to grab for guren's hands while guren is filling these things up, but he does get his attention and mouth a thank you that he hopes guren can read.
he really does appreciate this effort, at least. ]
It's the least I can do after you've been helping me with everything I've needed.
[This included. He answers so easily, it's clear he has no trouble understanding, just like always, and he passes over one of the completed little vial things once it's full and closed.]
I'm sorry. It's probably exhausting for you. [Next, he waits until the rest are full to hand them over. Five total, for now.] About these... Let me know when you're down to two, and I can make some more.
[ there wasn't even hesitation in his answer. has he always been able to read lips, or does he just know what dextera was trying to communicate? it's not that big of a deal, and dextera wouldn't hold it against him one way or the other, but it's a good thing to keep in mind if they're ever in a position where hands are no good.
he shakes his head, and pockets the vials with the utmost care. five vials... that's as good as about twenty-five hearts, roughly, and dextera has never in his life been so prepared. if he had been able to carry this much in the neuro tower, he probably wouldn't have died half as often.
if they have to go back into the forest, too... well, that's probably why guren is making all of this, isn't it? another test, again mouthing a couple simple words just to see if it was a fluke before.
[Just don't drop or throw any! They're glass. He smiles at those mouthed words, interestingly enough, because one time was one thing, but twice is definitely Dextera trying to figure it out. He's not going to lie, and he welcomes the light feeling that causes to grow in his chest over all the tension he's been feeling otherwise.]
Good.
[Look at that Knowing look in his eyes. This punk. He scoots the empty jar with the other ones, then closes his laptop.]
I hope it wasn't too much of a waste of your time to have to come here.
dextera can’t believe that guren can just read lips—from the outset, it never occurred to dextera to try, but if guren had this ability, why didn’t he say something before now? surely all the grabbing and writing has been an inconvenient burden.
the uncertainty paralyzes him for a moment after he shakes his head. he doesn’t want to just force guren to read his lips, and he doesn’t want to write on guren’s hand if that’s a superfluous thing... so he decides to try what looks like a sad attempt at shadow puppetry?
[W...why a bird... This may be the first time he's been genuinely confused by Dextera trying to communicate, which makes him worry a little. Is he bothered that he never told him?]
Uhh... [Hm. He offers his hand forward, instead, frowning a little down at it. This... keep doing this??]
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[He's only getting more worried!! He's tense, grabbing at Dextera's shoulder.]
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It's not new. I've had it for a long time.
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Can't you understand how that would be worrying? Can't something like that kill you? Do you need it taken out?
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[ he's only typing calmly because he is really not stoked about its existence. it's kind of big, and it's been inside him long enough that he is, admittedly, a little worried about it? but the last thing he wants is for it to be taken out, when it does such a good job! ]
Don't look at it.
[ an addition! ]
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[He doesn't know what to say to this. It... helps, then? If Dextera is processing things like human hearts. But... Is that bad for him, then? He stares at Dextera's face, rather than his arm, giving him the most concerned frown he's ever openly expressed here in this town.]
I won't look at it anymore if you promise to tell me if it changes for the worse.
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[ honestly if it didn't seem like it would kill him for real, he might have already tried to start looking for new ones—but there's no way to know that there are even any viable ones out there, in the forest, and it's hard to raise a family with just one little guy in there!! ]
For now, I need it.
[ and that's the end of that, isn't it? ]
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Beyond that, it just doesn't feel right. And when he'd just been celebrating the drug he made to make things easier, too.]
Whatever. Then we're moving on. [In clear anger, he allows that topic to drop, turning away from his laptop and over to the other items on the table. That's right... There are a variety of liquids he hasn't mentioned at all. He unhooks his sword from his waist, leaning it against the far end of the table, and picks up one of the glasses.
The liquid is grey, since the majority of the ingredients were, as well.]
Now, it's me who has to try a few things. I just need you to watch.
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...
[ he is genuinely sorry to have pissed guren off, but if they're moving on, they're moving on. he gets rid of his own document with the evidence of their brief, awkward conversation, and then he follows guren closer to the table.
"to watch"? that doesn't bode well, but... reluctantly, he nods. ]
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It's disgusting, and that's his first reaction coughing with a hand over his mouth, and for a moment, he's hoping that's all it'll be.
But then pain shoots through his body, enough to make him yell, which is strange enough. His legs buckle, and then he's on the ground, shaking violently, still making strained, pained noises.
This one didn't work at all... He can't even test it for its intended purpose if this is the effect it gives.]
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—?!
[ dextera's was disgusting, but it didn't seem harmful at all. was dextera moments away from this for himself? was his parasite the only thing standing between him and certain death?!
he's not thinking these selfish thoughts right now, though, with guren on the floor after yelling like that. should he get help? should he stay here? guren seemed to anticipate that something like this might happen, but has he been testing things on himself the whole time? dextera follows guren to his knees, and he wonders if purification could be the answer here... but then he might just kill guren, and that would be bad for both of them. instead, his hands hover a safe distance away, though he cranes his neck like he wants to call for help upstairs.
too bad about that, though. ]
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D-don’t... [ Hopefully that’s clear enough. Don’t tell them, don’t call for them, they don’t know a thing. If he had suspected this one would cause such a large reaction, he might not have risked it in front of Dextera. These plants had such mild effects separately, but together, this is what the combination does?
It lasts another fifteen seconds before it stops, and he’s left gasping for breath, shaking only from remnants of the pain that had been shooting through him moments ago. ] I’m okay. [ He’s winded, but there are no external injuries? Just his tired face. ] It’s alright. I messed up on that one.
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...
[ he sighs out a worried breath that sounds almost on the verge of tears, but luckily for guren, he manages to hold that back before anything spills through. he tightens his fists hard enough to form crescents in his palm instead, and he looks at guren with an expression that clearly demands him to explain. ]
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The one you took was the seventh try to get things right. Then, I had to try that one a handful of times, over a handful of days, before I had you try it to make sure it worked. [ A brief start to this all, a lead in. ]
This one here was a first try. The next two are thirds. If I want to be able to help everyone here, then solutions like these have to be found. If I can help treat injuries, or block against magic, or increase strength... Then it could make emergency situations more controllable.
Do you understand?
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but so is dextera! the next ones, he gestures to, and then urgently to himself. if guren thinks he can just take those drugs in front of dextera and not have dextera volunteer to help, he has another thing coming to him!!
his organs probably actually would explode and he would die, however, so it’s best to stop him here before he becomes determined to do it. ]
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[ He knew showing him this would have him volunteering. It’s something that can’t be helped, and he’s already got an answer, gripping the edge of the table as he pulls himself up. ]
These drugs are entirely reworking the body. I can give them to you when a side effect is as simple as nausea... like yours was. [ He’s standing, and he sighs, moving to his laptop to type out the failure. ] But when they’re unknown, it can be as much as organs rupturing. I’m the only one who can survive something like that.
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he seems to be fine already after that, mostly, but dextera suddenly feels quite useless. the contact is nice. ]
...ngh.
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I don’t like it, either. [ That noise was just too sad? He leaves his arm in Dextera’s hold, his other hand touching Dextera’s for comfort. ]. But I’m used to it, and my body works like this, so it makes the most sense. I don’t want to tell anyone else about the details of this, but the truth is it’ll help a lot in emergency situations. That’s how things are.
I’m completely fine now, see?
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he's not wrong, and dextera has to keep telling himself that in order to avoid getting upset about it. even dextera himself is no stranger to drugs—self-administered and not. he's died from them and he's lived from them, but his consciousness can't ever truly go away, so he's never been as worried as he should have been.
seeing someone else with that confidence unsettles him, though, when it's someone he cares about. ]
...
[ his reluctant gaze turns to those other drugs again, and then he looks at guren. he's already been told no, but does guren really have to test them now? ]
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It was stupid to do any more than hand Dextera his own drug. He realizes that now. In the moment, he'd thought that testing these particular ones in front of Ryo could nearly kill him, and that brat wouldn't care or do a thing. If his demon went crazy? Nothing would change. Dextera had promised to kill him if something went wrong.
But that's selfish. He was being selfish, again. As much as he deserves the pain and whatever else might come from these tests, no one else deserves to watch them. At least Ryo doesn't react.]
I can do it later. [It's worrying to do this in the basement, anyway. Akira and Yata could run into him... even if he doesn't always like doing it in the apothecary.] I'll just give you what I have of yours.
[Turning more towards the red, fuller jar, he pulls some smaller, oddly shaped jars he'd found from the apothecary so he can fill them.]
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so, instead, he'll try to compromise. he follows guren to the table, where his own supply has been made, and he doesn't try to grab for guren's hands while guren is filling these things up, but he does get his attention and mouth a thank you that he hopes guren can read.
he really does appreciate this effort, at least. ]
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[This included. He answers so easily, it's clear he has no trouble understanding, just like always, and he passes over one of the completed little vial things once it's full and closed.]
I'm sorry. It's probably exhausting for you. [Next, he waits until the rest are full to hand them over. Five total, for now.] About these... Let me know when you're down to two, and I can make some more.
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[ there wasn't even hesitation in his answer. has he always been able to read lips, or does he just know what dextera was trying to communicate? it's not that big of a deal, and dextera wouldn't hold it against him one way or the other, but it's a good thing to keep in mind if they're ever in a position where hands are no good.
he shakes his head, and pockets the vials with the utmost care. five vials... that's as good as about twenty-five hearts, roughly, and dextera has never in his life been so prepared. if he had been able to carry this much in the neuro tower, he probably wouldn't have died half as often.
if they have to go back into the forest, too... well, that's probably why guren is making all of this, isn't it? another test, again mouthing a couple simple words just to see if it was a fluke before.
I will. ]
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Good.
[Look at that Knowing look in his eyes. This punk. He scoots the empty jar with the other ones, then closes his laptop.]
I hope it wasn't too much of a waste of your time to have to come here.
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dextera can’t believe that guren can just read lips—from the outset, it never occurred to dextera to try, but if guren had this ability, why didn’t he say something before now? surely all the grabbing and writing has been an inconvenient burden.
the uncertainty paralyzes him for a moment after he shakes his head. he doesn’t want to just force guren to read his lips, and he doesn’t want to write on guren’s hand if that’s a superfluous thing... so he decides to try what looks like a sad attempt at shadow puppetry?
what he’s going for is a bird of some kind. ]
...?
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Uhh... [Hm. He offers his hand forward, instead, frowning a little down at it. This... keep doing this??]
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