[He understands the nod, and he lifts one of his hands to openly stare at it.] I can't tell you everything, even if I wish that I could. It would be nice to get it off my chest.
But there are some things that can't be shared in any way, or it puts the lives of others at stake. Even telling you that much is a risk.
[But his heart... it's getting to be too much. He needs something, especially without his drug to help him reign it in.] You help, Dextera. Just by being you.
[That's some sappy shit right there, but let him get it out in this post-shadow sad heart mood before he goes back to the tsun.] I want to do the same.
[ dextera doesn’t know how he could possibly be a help to guren just by being him, when he knows he’s often useless and occasionally worse than that, when guren is always taking care of him...! but he doesn’t want to argue. if guren thinks he helps, then that’s guren’s business.
he’s too selfish to push this friendship away, if the conditions are this easy. ]
...
[ and if the secrets guren is keeping involve others—their lives—then he understands that. keeping that kind of thing could easily turn into a twisted, terrible baroque, but what can dextera do except stand by and hope baroques simply don’t exist in this world?
so he takes guren’s hand and squeezes, shameless in his need to get this across. guren does help.
for that, he’s grateful, and he lifts guren’s hand to his forehead with a soft, but content, sigh—that’s all he can do. he can offer this comfort, and hope that’s enough to repay guren for everything. ]
[Aw... Guren watches him as he does this, smiling fondly at the gesture. Is he trying to say he does? Haha, maybe they're both similar in this way, he realizes, and so... if Dextera can relax a little and believe it just enough, then he can try to do the same.]
We're almost there. Let's see that chicken daughter of yours. I want to make a good impression.
[ guren makes him feel better with that little comment alone, and dextera squeezes his hand before dropping it entirely. his chicken daughter! she doesn't actually have a name, since dextera scooped her up before they could all be differentiated and named appropriately. most of them have food names, and he'd like to continue the trend.
so he nods. maybe guren can help him name her... ]
[ please don't insult spot, guren. he is a beloved member of the household and not just a big bird. ]
...
[ how to explain this? dextera spreads his hands as if to gesture a lot, and then motions in a direction to send his invisible gathering outside. then he narrows his hands together again, just one (probable) chicken, and takes his hands close to his heart.
his chicken daughter is allowed inside. the rest are in pens! ]
[It's a miracle (even for Guren) that he can understand that. It takes a moment, but he gathers it. He figures it's from spending so much time with Dextera, even if he's still noting just how much he's relying on gestures now, rather than writing.]
So just yours stays in the house. A house chicken. [Amazing.] I guess it's good that you have a pet to keep you company.
Edited (twice in a row.... bury me now) 2018-04-29 04:50 (UTC)
[ he nods! it is a house chicken! and dextera loves her!! angelicus' birds always seemed incredibly well-trained, though he never knew if it was because of her baroque or because they were friendly. now, however, he's gotten the impression that birds are just really good pets.
the closer they get to the house, the faster dextera walks, and there is the definite sound of... clucking, as they approach. the chickens have been fenced off and have a nice little area to enjoy, and it's almost an agonizingly domestic sight. ]
[It's... incredible, honestly. His heart is so heavy it's weighing down his shoulders, his chest, but a sight like this almost seems to lift some of that weight. Just like hanging out with Dextera in general.
At the same time, he almost feels tired from it. Emotions are exhausting, and sometimes he just wants to let them all out, but this is a bad time... He's usually so used to visiting Dextera that he doesn't mind walking ahead and pushing the door open, but this time, he lets that excitement be an excuse and keeps his steps in line a little behind him.]
[ dextera is not completely unaware that something is on guren's mind—a lot of somethings. he hasn't forgotten that guren called him over to test those drugs, and he probably would have kept going if dextera hadn't reacted so poorly.
for now, though, they're out of the house. they're away from that, and dextera feels like his own home is the better place to be, even without a fireplace. they don't need it right now. just company is enough. ]
...?
[ he pokes his head in, and he's not sure where his chicken has gone exactly, but he's sure she'll turn up eventually. he's not worried about it, and he reaches back to hook a finger around one of guren's to guide him into the house. despite the way he seems almost relentlessly happy, there's a wistful edge to his smile when he looks back at guren.
all this, the stupid chicken thing, is just a distraction, isn't it? but distractions are okay sometimes. ]
[Distractions like this are exactly what soothe his heart and help him keep his humanity and hold the demon back. He smiles back, even if it's lacking anything behind it, and steps in with Dextera in the lead.
He's already listening to try and locate this chicken.]
I don't know how your house is always so quiet when there are always so many people hanging around. [Himself included. But, he guesses this is the quiet person house, after all... It's nice.]
Which way?
[Is she in his room, or are they going to sit and wait, or what?]
[ dextera approaches quietly, since he doesn’t hear her walking around or anything. when he looks into his room, however, he finds her—fluffed up and nesting in the blanket that he has, but clearly has not been using for himself.
she’s taken it for herself, and she snoozes quietly. ]
...
[ dextera holds a finger to his lips, motioning for guren to be quiet! she’s so cute!! dextera loves her!!! ]
[...His heart is going to explode from this alone, so it's a perfect distraction. He'd get Dextera special chicken blankets, but then he's sure they'd all end up belonging to her, anyway. Gosh.
He's good at staying quiet, though, nodding before he looks back at the chicken.
Alright, he guesses he can see how it can be a pet. It suits Dextera, somehow, to have something so odd sleeping in his room.]
[ dextera approaches quietly, and he crouches beside her—it’s painfully obvious how much time he must spend just watching her, not even really cuddling her, though he does plenty of that too.
his expression is warm, terribly fond, and he looks at guren—too satisfied with himself to make fun of. maybe.
she seems to inflate a little with every breath, and then makes a small, peeping snoring sound with every exhale. ]
[He will give him this. The chicken is cute while sleeping. It's cute that she's cuddled up in Dextera's things, like she knows she's his, it's cute that she makes a little noise like a snore, and it's cuter than all of that that Dextera looks so pleased about it.
Guren steps closer, carefully, but he's worried about getting too close. He gets the feeling that even his presence would be difficult to stay so peaceful around. He doesn't want to wake her up.
So, he'll watch from a couple feet away, arms crossed loosely, focused on this and trying not to get emotional about being here at all. That last part might be showing in his eyes a little. He's happy, he's relieved, but he's worried and sad, too. It's a lot!!]
[ dextera doesn’t want to wake her up either, but he wants guren to be closer than this, too. she’s used to being stared at since that’s all dextera does, and he thinks she’s got a passively curing influence on everyone who looks at her—the bias, perhaps, of a new pet owner.
when he meets guren’s eyes, there’s something knowing in his gaze—similarly tired, with everything they’ve been through, but not nearly as bad—and he thinks guren would be much better off if he came to crouch as well.
[Mm... That look is calling him over without even saying a word. He'd like to wipe that tiredness from Dextera's expression, as well, but there's no such easy solution for either of them, is there?
The least he can do is this. He sighs to himself, but it's barely an exhale, and he uncrosses his arms to step over, carefully, and crouch beside Dextera to look at this bird.
It looks even softer up close. He's going to be worried about a bird's safety, now, which sounds ridiculous. But if she dies, Dextera will surely fall apart. Hmm. Chicken safety.
At least, watching her sleeping form does seem to be relaxing for Guren, in a way. He's looking, he's looking.]
[ the chicken is, of course, a prey animal—having two people looking at her does get her to shift in her little nest, fluffing and folding her wings. she lifts her head, tilting it this way and that as she observes the people looking at her.
she clucks, and dextera decides to reach out and stroke down the back of her neck with two fingers. she sinks back into her own body. ]
...
[ he’s a quiet person, unassuming, and this is the perfect pet for him. ]
[There's a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, like he shouldn't be allowed to watch something so sweet and peaceful. He's here, though, and he's watching it, watching the heart warming interaction and soaking in every curing part of it there is.
They suit each other. Dextera and his little chicken daughter.]
She's cute. [He decides to say this, in a low voice, his hands staying on his own knees where he's crouched. There's a desire to touch the chicken, or Dextera, or both, but he's ignoring that because he doesn't want to interrupt this moment. It's weird. He's trying not to think about it at all.]
[ dextera feels peaceful, too. even angelicus’ birds are twisted, in some way, and the only animals he’s ever seen that are normal have been here, like this. live lobsters, live chickens—intended for eating, maybe, but now adopted into this little family.
though the lobster did get eaten. ]
...?
[ he shakes his head, and pats her back. she clucks gently, closing her eyes against his warm hand.
she has no name yet, but he’s been mulling over a few things—some of them food-related, some religious. it’s hard to decide! ]
[He's already attached, so there's no extra harm in it. If anything, he thinks Dextera would enjoy the process. He's not sure if him saying the chicken doesn't have a name means he doesn't plan on it or is just still thinking about it, but Guren says it anyway, just in case.
He shifts, moving to sit instead of just crouch here, so it's more comfortable. But he's still just watching, letting his gaze go unfocused as he does. Soft chicken and soft boy interacting while Guren watches... it seems about right.]
[ dextera nods, smoothing both his hands down her body now, flattening her feathers at the same time she decides to move around and fluff them up again. she stands, scratching at the blanket, and then settles down once more.
he smiles, and he wants to pull her into his lap, but he decides against it and looks to guren instead—tilting his head, inviting guren to give some suggestions.
Me? [ This is not what he said!! ] No, I don’t know how to name something at all. I’ve never had a pet. Even if I did, that’s something I’d usually leave to Sayuri...
[ She seems the best one to name things. Uh, but that doesn’t help here, and he considers it some more. ] Think of something that you’d connect with her. It doesn’t have to be meaningful, really.
it’s hard to say. angel seems a little on the nose, but it’s the kind of name that people end up with, where he’s from. even ‘dextera’ is a name given to him because he was on the right, and for no other reason.
he wants to give a special name to this chicken, even if guren says it doesn’t have to meaningful. ]
...
[ his hand stills, in petting her, and he reaches for guren’s hand, too, in order to suggest a name and get guren’s opinion on it.
L-E-L-I-E-L.
a pretentious name for a pretentious religious scholar with his sweet chicken. ]
[ Guren from his cult religion family doesn’t really know what that is, but he’s sure Dextera put some sort of meaning into it. He seems the type. Even if it’s a chicken. ]
Even if you can’t call out to her, it doesn’t feel right leaving something you care about without a name. It’s too impersonal. Does it feel better?
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[He understands the nod, and he lifts one of his hands to openly stare at it.] I can't tell you everything, even if I wish that I could. It would be nice to get it off my chest.
But there are some things that can't be shared in any way, or it puts the lives of others at stake. Even telling you that much is a risk.
[But his heart... it's getting to be too much. He needs something, especially without his drug to help him reign it in.] You help, Dextera. Just by being you.
[That's some sappy shit right there, but let him get it out in this post-shadow sad heart mood before he goes back to the tsun.] I want to do the same.
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he’s too selfish to push this friendship away, if the conditions are this easy. ]
...
[ and if the secrets guren is keeping involve others—their lives—then he understands that. keeping that kind of thing could easily turn into a twisted, terrible baroque, but what can dextera do except stand by and hope baroques simply don’t exist in this world?
so he takes guren’s hand and squeezes, shameless in his need to get this across. guren does help.
for that, he’s grateful, and he lifts guren’s hand to his forehead with a soft, but content, sigh—that’s all he can do. he can offer this comfort, and hope that’s enough to repay guren for everything. ]
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We're almost there. Let's see that chicken daughter of yours. I want to make a good impression.
[STOP............]
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[ guren makes him feel better with that little comment alone, and dextera squeezes his hand before dropping it entirely. his chicken daughter! she doesn't actually have a name, since dextera scooped her up before they could all be differentiated and named appropriately. most of them have food names, and he'd like to continue the trend.
so he nods. maybe guren can help him name her... ]
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By the way, do you keep them in pens, or are they just running around inside like that big bird?
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...
[ how to explain this? dextera spreads his hands as if to gesture a lot, and then motions in a direction to send his invisible gathering outside. then he narrows his hands together again, just one (probable) chicken, and takes his hands close to his heart.
his chicken daughter is allowed inside. the rest are in pens! ]
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So just yours stays in the house. A house chicken. [Amazing.] I guess it's good that you have a pet to keep you company.
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the closer they get to the house, the faster dextera walks, and there is the definite sound of... clucking, as they approach. the chickens have been fenced off and have a nice little area to enjoy, and it's almost an agonizingly domestic sight. ]
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At the same time, he almost feels tired from it. Emotions are exhausting, and sometimes he just wants to let them all out, but this is a bad time... He's usually so used to visiting Dextera that he doesn't mind walking ahead and pushing the door open, but this time, he lets that excitement be an excuse and keeps his steps in line a little behind him.]
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for now, though, they're out of the house. they're away from that, and dextera feels like his own home is the better place to be, even without a fireplace. they don't need it right now. just company is enough. ]
...?
[ he pokes his head in, and he's not sure where his chicken has gone exactly, but he's sure she'll turn up eventually. he's not worried about it, and he reaches back to hook a finger around one of guren's to guide him into the house. despite the way he seems almost relentlessly happy, there's a wistful edge to his smile when he looks back at guren.
all this, the stupid chicken thing, is just a distraction, isn't it? but distractions are okay sometimes. ]
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He's already listening to try and locate this chicken.]
I don't know how your house is always so quiet when there are always so many people hanging around. [Himself included. But, he guesses this is the quiet person house, after all... It's nice.]
Which way?
[Is she in his room, or are they going to sit and wait, or what?]
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she’s taken it for herself, and she snoozes quietly. ]
...
[ dextera holds a finger to his lips, motioning for guren to be quiet! she’s so cute!! dextera loves her!!! ]
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He's good at staying quiet, though, nodding before he looks back at the chicken.
Alright, he guesses he can see how it can be a pet. It suits Dextera, somehow, to have something so odd sleeping in his room.]
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his expression is warm, terribly fond, and he looks at guren—too satisfied with himself to make fun of. maybe.
she seems to inflate a little with every breath, and then makes a small, peeping snoring sound with every exhale. ]
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Guren steps closer, carefully, but he's worried about getting too close. He gets the feeling that even his presence would be difficult to stay so peaceful around. He doesn't want to wake her up.
So, he'll watch from a couple feet away, arms crossed loosely, focused on this and trying not to get emotional about being here at all. That last part might be showing in his eyes a little. He's happy, he's relieved, but he's worried and sad, too. It's a lot!!]
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when he meets guren’s eyes, there’s something knowing in his gaze—similarly tired, with everything they’ve been through, but not nearly as bad—and he thinks guren would be much better off if he came to crouch as well.
look at her. ]
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The least he can do is this. He sighs to himself, but it's barely an exhale, and he uncrosses his arms to step over, carefully, and crouch beside Dextera to look at this bird.
It looks even softer up close. He's going to be worried about a bird's safety, now, which sounds ridiculous. But if she dies, Dextera will surely fall apart. Hmm. Chicken safety.
At least, watching her sleeping form does seem to be relaxing for Guren, in a way. He's looking, he's looking.]
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she clucks, and dextera decides to reach out and stroke down the back of her neck with two fingers. she sinks back into her own body. ]
...
[ he’s a quiet person, unassuming, and this is the perfect pet for him. ]
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They suit each other. Dextera and his little chicken daughter.]
She's cute. [He decides to say this, in a low voice, his hands staying on his own knees where he's crouched. There's a desire to touch the chicken, or Dextera, or both, but he's ignoring that because he doesn't want to interrupt this moment. It's weird. He's trying not to think about it at all.]
Does she have a name?
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though the lobster did get eaten. ]
...?
[ he shakes his head, and pats her back. she clucks gently, closing her eyes against his warm hand.
she has no name yet, but he’s been mulling over a few things—some of them food-related, some religious. it’s hard to decide! ]
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[He's already attached, so there's no extra harm in it. If anything, he thinks Dextera would enjoy the process. He's not sure if him saying the chicken doesn't have a name means he doesn't plan on it or is just still thinking about it, but Guren says it anyway, just in case.
He shifts, moving to sit instead of just crouch here, so it's more comfortable. But he's still just watching, letting his gaze go unfocused as he does. Soft chicken and soft boy interacting while Guren watches... it seems about right.]
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he smiles, and he wants to pull her into his lap, but he decides against it and looks to guren instead—tilting his head, inviting guren to give some suggestions.
how’s your naming sense, guren??? ]
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[ She seems the best one to name things. Uh, but that doesn’t help here, and he considers it some more. ] Think of something that you’d connect with her. It doesn’t have to be meaningful, really.
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it’s hard to say. angel seems a little on the nose, but it’s the kind of name that people end up with, where he’s from. even ‘dextera’ is a name given to him because he was on the right, and for no other reason.
he wants to give a special name to this chicken, even if guren says it doesn’t have to meaningful. ]
...
[ his hand stills, in petting her, and he reaches for guren’s hand, too, in order to suggest a name and get guren’s opinion on it.
L-E-L-I-E-L.
a pretentious name for a pretentious religious scholar with his sweet chicken. ]
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[ Guren from his cult religion family doesn’t really know what that is, but he’s sure Dextera put some sort of meaning into it. He seems the type. Even if it’s a chicken. ]
Even if you can’t call out to her, it doesn’t feel right leaving something you care about without a name. It’s too impersonal. Does it feel better?
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