[ dextera wasn’t going to drink it anyway! probably!
he takes the potion with a knowing, if slightly guilty, nod, and pushes it open with his thumb. like he’s testing a wine, he sniffs the cork first, and then the liquid itself.
it smells... completely different from his own. it smells sweet, actually—tempting. ]
[ dextera is still standing, and that’s what’s important! this particular potion, whatever it is, hasn’t done anything particularly dangerous to him—probably. ]
...
[ he shakes his head. his own was a little bitter-smelling, something that he definitely should not have put in his mouth. he grabs the bottle from where guren set it away, offering it. the scent probably lingers, even if it’s been sitting out for a while. ]
[He can smell it without even opening it, now that it's close enough to his face, and as Guren caps his own bottle, he moves to hold Dextera's. He makes a face at it. As much as he wants to ask why Dextera would drink this when it smells this way, he thinks the point is already made, so he's silent for a few seconds, considering.]
Asuka probably received something as well, though I guess it's different from whatever you or I got. [But, he's smart and probably won't chug it.] I wonder why the reward is different between us, this time.
[ dextera pauses, considering as well, but he gestures first to himself, and then to the spider’s crystal that he took—this one is floating in the corner of the room next to his own, which looks so slightly different, but they’re providing some light for his room.
is it because he purified her? or because he was the single necessary blue? he’s not sure, but those are his theories. ]
[The way they did it... They didn't really use swords all too much. Or knives. He pockets his own potion and keeps his hand on this empty bottle of disaster that Dextera had taken, but moves over towards the crystals.]
[ ...dextera nods, but he’s quick behind guren to steer him away from the crystals, just in case. he didn’t get the chance to tell guren not to touch the jorogumo’s idea sephirah when they parted after the quest, and he doesn’t need two people affected by it running around.
his own was safe, if depressing, but a monster’s crystal is something dangerous.
[Oh... He notices Dextera is following him rather quickly, but touching it is exactly what he wants to do. He'd had no problem touching Dextera's, so he has no idea, and he hasn't received Ryo's text just yet.
dextera is surprisingly quick about the way he grabs guren’s wrist, which is hopefully sign enough that he should not touch that seemingly inviting crystal.
he doesn’t know what ryo is going through yet either, but he knows better than to let someone touch it after the way longneck’s crystal killed the sentry angel.
[...That is definitely a sign, coming from Dextera. Guren stops when his wrist is grabbed, glancing to him, back at the crystal, and then to Dextera again.]
It's dangerous?
[Then why is it floating in the middle of the room, put it away!! But actually, his first thought is Ryo, since he had told him to take it. He'd nearly taken it himself, but Dextera had fallen...
[ dextera nods, equally as firmly as he shook his head before. of course, he doesn’t know specifically that it’s dangerous, but the way ryo reacted, the awkward way he avoided giving it back right away—it doesn’t look good.
he needs to check on ryo soon. ]
...
[ satisfied that guren won’t touch it, he lets his hand slip away, gently pushing the crystal toward his pile of do-not-touch items, which is really only the angelic rifle.
How so? You're safe to touch it, I assume because you can purify in the first place, but why can't I? Does that mean Asuka touching it was a bad thing?
[He recalls now, himself, the way Ryo had reacted. He had been so focused on Dextera that he hadn't taken it to mean much at the time, and now he's scolding himself for it.]
[ dextera doesn’t want to accuse guren of anything, when he can’t have known. it’s not his fault, since dextera let him touch his crystal, harmless except for its guilt and pain.
but he has to be honest. slowly, he nods, and goes to retrieve his laptop since it’ll take more than just writing on guren’s hand to communicate the problem here.
once he has it, he tries to be quick about his message. ]
It contains her essence. If you’re not expecting it, her feelings can overtake yours. I don’t know what it was she felt, but I don’t think it was good.
[Touch it, and be overtaken. Well, a demon doesn't have its own feelings, though, but it can use your feelings to take over. It's similar enough that Guren swears he'd be able to take it, but he doesn't see any need to test that right now.]
I'm sorry. That's my fault. I just assumed that since yours felt nice, the others would feel the same... [Pure, he remembers. It was just... warm? He covers his mouth, thinking.]
[ dextera doesn’t know what to make of this shift in the air that was already a little tense between them, and of course his natural assumption is that guren is still frustrated about this potion—dextera made a big mistake in taking it before consulting anyone else, after all, and now things are like this.
guren is mad at him. ]
...
[ asking him to stay now would only prolong this awkwardness, wouldn’t it? he knows that. he hates it, but he realizes it, even in his desperation to make things right. ]
I’m sorry.
[ and then he closes his laptop. what else is there to say? ]
[He can only assume his own personality and his yelling from earlier is why Dextera is apologizing again now. He doesn't know why that wasn't fixed by their conversation continuing, or his yelling stopping, but he's never been good with this. He moves his hand closer, gripping at Dextera's arm with a light, comforting squeeze. At least, it always feels like touch speaks better than his body language and words do.]
There's nothing for you to apologize for anymore.
[He gets it. Even the stupid decision earlier, that he'll accept the earlier apology for— even that, he understands. But it shouldn't linger. It doesn't have to, not with him. He wishes he could get that across.
That's part of what he's angry at himself with, too. He's the one with words, and he still can't manage to do everything he wants to. Now, he put Ryo in danger because he was distracted, and his worry about Dextera had left him panicked for 6 hours or so when his stable condition should have been enough to leave him alone. To not be here immediately when he woke up, but to be somewhere else, cooling off, so he wouldn't have to yell.]
Contact me if you need anything, even if it's just to talk. I won't be far from my laptop, probably.
there’s nothing that he can do that will ever be good enough, but the archangel relies on him again and again—and that’s the kind of thing that ruins a person, eventually. he has a job that he can’t seem to fulfill, and nothing works. nothing is good enough, no matter how kind the archangel’s smile is or how reassuring his words are.
they’re laced with such a hate that it makes dextera afraid, but then he asks dextera to stay, to make a new world with him, and dextera feels like he owes this man who is suffering because of him.
but he creates the wrong world, an endless selfish mistake, because he’s a foolish coward. guren has said none of this, and hasn’t even implied it, but dextera’s perceptions are inevitably shaped by all of this. he nods, slowly, still impossibly sorry—in a way guren may never understand—but willing to let it go for now.
[There's nothing he can do about that look Dextera has, but that's part of Guren's frustration with himself, too. If he's a friend, shouldn't he know the right thing to say, at the very least? But even that doesn't work.
Staying here isn't going to help. It might even make it worse, with what he's already done. Dextera can stay here and hug his chicken, and Guren can go back and see what he's got for work. Or think of other ways to balance his emotions, if they're feeling so unstable like this. It's dangerous, with his current situation.
So, he lifts his hand in a little wave as he turns and leaves, just like that.]
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he takes the potion with a knowing, if slightly guilty, nod, and pushes it open with his thumb. like he’s testing a wine, he sniffs the cork first, and then the liquid itself.
it smells... completely different from his own. it smells sweet, actually—tempting. ]
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[So, that was also dumb, but he was here and ready so it was fine. He tilts his head.] Let me see it.
[He wants to sniff, so he's going to take it back and do just that. And... it smells very sweet.] Was yours like this?
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...
[ he shakes his head. his own was a little bitter-smelling, something that he definitely should not have put in his mouth. he grabs the bottle from where guren set it away, offering it. the scent probably lingers, even if it’s been sitting out for a while. ]
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Asuka probably received something as well, though I guess it's different from whatever you or I got. [But, he's smart and probably won't chug it.] I wonder why the reward is different between us, this time.
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is it because he purified her? or because he was the single necessary blue? he’s not sure, but those are his theories. ]
...?
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[The way they did it... They didn't really use swords all too much. Or knives. He pockets his own potion and keeps his hand on this empty bottle of disaster that Dextera had taken, but moves over towards the crystals.]
Are you going to just keep it like that?
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his own was safe, if depressing, but a monster’s crystal is something dangerous.
it is, at least, out of leliel’s reach. ]
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So... what if he... reaches for it??]
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[ DON’T!!
dextera is surprisingly quick about the way he grabs guren’s wrist, which is hopefully sign enough that he should not touch that seemingly inviting crystal.
he doesn’t know what ryo is going through yet either, but he knows better than to let someone touch it after the way longneck’s crystal killed the sentry angel.
he shakes his head, firmly. ]
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It's dangerous?
[Then why is it floating in the middle of the room, put it away!! But actually, his first thought is Ryo, since he had told him to take it. He'd nearly taken it himself, but Dextera had fallen...
He'll have to check on him, he guesses.]
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he needs to check on ryo soon. ]
...
[ satisfied that guren won’t touch it, he lets his hand slip away, gently pushing the crystal toward his pile of do-not-touch items, which is really only the angelic rifle.
he can touch it!! but no one else!! ]
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[He recalls now, himself, the way Ryo had reacted. He had been so focused on Dextera that he hadn't taken it to mean much at the time, and now he's scolding himself for it.]
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[ dextera doesn’t want to accuse guren of anything, when he can’t have known. it’s not his fault, since dextera let him touch his crystal, harmless except for its guilt and pain.
but he has to be honest. slowly, he nods, and goes to retrieve his laptop since it’ll take more than just writing on guren’s hand to communicate the problem here.
once he has it, he tries to be quick about his message. ]
It contains her essence. If you’re not expecting it, her feelings can overtake yours. I don’t know what it was she felt, but I don’t think it was good.
Mine is special. Hers isn’t.
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[Touch it, and be overtaken. Well, a demon doesn't have its own feelings, though, but it can use your feelings to take over. It's similar enough that Guren swears he'd be able to take it, but he doesn't see any need to test that right now.]
I'm sorry. That's my fault. I just assumed that since yours felt nice, the others would feel the same... [Pure, he remembers. It was just... warm? He covers his mouth, thinking.]
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[ dextera starts to type something, but he quickly decides that it’s more than he’s willing to reveal right now and erases it. ]
I should have explained it earlier. I thought I could grab it.
[ and that’s true! he was clearly going to get it before he stumbled and fell, but his consciousness betrayed him. ]
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But it wasn't relevant before, or you just didn't want to.
[He pushes the bottle back at him, gently but without holding back, and then looks to Leliel. He's been here for so long.]
It's fine. You can't change what's already happened, but you can work on it and look to the future, too.
[So, it'll all be fine, he's sure. He looks back at Dextera.]
You know where I am if you want to tell me anything else. Since you're fine now, I'm going to leave. [Abrupt...]
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guren is mad at him. ]
...
[ asking him to stay now would only prolong this awkwardness, wouldn’t it? he knows that. he hates it, but he realizes it, even in his desperation to make things right. ]
I’m sorry.
[ and then he closes his laptop. what else is there to say? ]
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There's nothing for you to apologize for anymore.
[He gets it. Even the stupid decision earlier, that he'll accept the earlier apology for— even that, he understands. But it shouldn't linger. It doesn't have to, not with him. He wishes he could get that across.
That's part of what he's angry at himself with, too. He's the one with words, and he still can't manage to do everything he wants to. Now, he put Ryo in danger because he was distracted, and his worry about Dextera had left him panicked for 6 hours or so when his stable condition should have been enough to leave him alone. To not be here immediately when he woke up, but to be somewhere else, cooling off, so he wouldn't have to yell.]
Contact me if you need anything, even if it's just to talk. I won't be far from my laptop, probably.
[He's got lots of notes on there.] Okay?
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there’s nothing that he can do that will ever be good enough, but the archangel relies on him again and again—and that’s the kind of thing that ruins a person, eventually. he has a job that he can’t seem to fulfill, and nothing works. nothing is good enough, no matter how kind the archangel’s smile is or how reassuring his words are.
they’re laced with such a hate that it makes dextera afraid, but then he asks dextera to stay, to make a new world with him, and dextera feels like he owes this man who is suffering because of him.
but he creates the wrong world, an endless selfish mistake, because he’s a foolish coward. guren has said none of this, and hasn’t even implied it, but dextera’s perceptions are inevitably shaped by all of this. he nods, slowly, still impossibly sorry—in a way guren may never understand—but willing to let it go for now.
for now, it’s okay. ]
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Staying here isn't going to help. It might even make it worse, with what he's already done. Dextera can stay here and hug his chicken, and Guren can go back and see what he's got for work. Or think of other ways to balance his emotions, if they're feeling so unstable like this. It's dangerous, with his current situation.
So, he lifts his hand in a little wave as he turns and leaves, just like that.]