[He can only assume his own personality and his yelling from earlier is why Dextera is apologizing again now. He doesn't know why that wasn't fixed by their conversation continuing, or his yelling stopping, but he's never been good with this. He moves his hand closer, gripping at Dextera's arm with a light, comforting squeeze. At least, it always feels like touch speaks better than his body language and words do.]
There's nothing for you to apologize for anymore.
[He gets it. Even the stupid decision earlier, that he'll accept the earlier apology for— even that, he understands. But it shouldn't linger. It doesn't have to, not with him. He wishes he could get that across.
That's part of what he's angry at himself with, too. He's the one with words, and he still can't manage to do everything he wants to. Now, he put Ryo in danger because he was distracted, and his worry about Dextera had left him panicked for 6 hours or so when his stable condition should have been enough to leave him alone. To not be here immediately when he woke up, but to be somewhere else, cooling off, so he wouldn't have to yell.]
Contact me if you need anything, even if it's just to talk. I won't be far from my laptop, probably.
there’s nothing that he can do that will ever be good enough, but the archangel relies on him again and again—and that’s the kind of thing that ruins a person, eventually. he has a job that he can’t seem to fulfill, and nothing works. nothing is good enough, no matter how kind the archangel’s smile is or how reassuring his words are.
they’re laced with such a hate that it makes dextera afraid, but then he asks dextera to stay, to make a new world with him, and dextera feels like he owes this man who is suffering because of him.
but he creates the wrong world, an endless selfish mistake, because he’s a foolish coward. guren has said none of this, and hasn’t even implied it, but dextera’s perceptions are inevitably shaped by all of this. he nods, slowly, still impossibly sorry—in a way guren may never understand—but willing to let it go for now.
[There's nothing he can do about that look Dextera has, but that's part of Guren's frustration with himself, too. If he's a friend, shouldn't he know the right thing to say, at the very least? But even that doesn't work.
Staying here isn't going to help. It might even make it worse, with what he's already done. Dextera can stay here and hug his chicken, and Guren can go back and see what he's got for work. Or think of other ways to balance his emotions, if they're feeling so unstable like this. It's dangerous, with his current situation.
So, he lifts his hand in a little wave as he turns and leaves, just like that.]
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no subject
There's nothing for you to apologize for anymore.
[He gets it. Even the stupid decision earlier, that he'll accept the earlier apology for— even that, he understands. But it shouldn't linger. It doesn't have to, not with him. He wishes he could get that across.
That's part of what he's angry at himself with, too. He's the one with words, and he still can't manage to do everything he wants to. Now, he put Ryo in danger because he was distracted, and his worry about Dextera had left him panicked for 6 hours or so when his stable condition should have been enough to leave him alone. To not be here immediately when he woke up, but to be somewhere else, cooling off, so he wouldn't have to yell.]
Contact me if you need anything, even if it's just to talk. I won't be far from my laptop, probably.
[He's got lots of notes on there.] Okay?
no subject
there’s nothing that he can do that will ever be good enough, but the archangel relies on him again and again—and that’s the kind of thing that ruins a person, eventually. he has a job that he can’t seem to fulfill, and nothing works. nothing is good enough, no matter how kind the archangel’s smile is or how reassuring his words are.
they’re laced with such a hate that it makes dextera afraid, but then he asks dextera to stay, to make a new world with him, and dextera feels like he owes this man who is suffering because of him.
but he creates the wrong world, an endless selfish mistake, because he’s a foolish coward. guren has said none of this, and hasn’t even implied it, but dextera’s perceptions are inevitably shaped by all of this. he nods, slowly, still impossibly sorry—in a way guren may never understand—but willing to let it go for now.
for now, it’s okay. ]
no subject
Staying here isn't going to help. It might even make it worse, with what he's already done. Dextera can stay here and hug his chicken, and Guren can go back and see what he's got for work. Or think of other ways to balance his emotions, if they're feeling so unstable like this. It's dangerous, with his current situation.
So, he lifts his hand in a little wave as he turns and leaves, just like that.]