He won't give me the formula. He's holding it over my head, saying that he can use his knowledge as a bargaining chip.
[Honestly, it's kind of amazing how Guren isn't showing any anger at this at all. It's because he's used to it, and because he's already trying to plan around it.]
I did want to ask for your help on this one thing. But before I ask, I want you to say no if you'd rather not do something like this.
[ guren is giving him the option to back out, and it’s tempting. he doesn’t like the idea of going against whatever ryo has planned, even though it’s actively harmful for guren.
he knows his priorities are a mess, but—he can’t help it. almost more than anyone else here, ryo has sway over him. dextera can even say no to guren, but to ryo?
I want you to see if you can find where he might have it written down. He's not an idiot, so he'd probably expect that you'd look for me, and you shouldn't ask right out...
But if you get the chance to look around his house, I'd appreciate it.
[He knows this is difficult to ask of anyone to do for someone they care about, but selfishly, he wants Dextera to try for him. If not, he'll have to get even craftier himself.]
he can’t imagine how ryo would react, which makes considering it all the more difficult. does ryo trust him? he must, if only a little, but getting caught sneaking around his home would surely break that faith completely.
or—would ryo find it amusing? petty? pathetic? he can still hear that cold regard in the back of his mind, and his stomach twists imagining ryo’s gaze on him if he got what dextera was up to.
for all this confusion, though, he loves guren more than he fears ryo. he can’t guarantee results, and that’s some relief in its own way. if he can’t do it, he’s safe. ]
[It's sincere, and even if he knows Dextera must be struggling with it, he sighs out like he's relieved. Maybe it's cruel to show that, too, but he can't even help it. He's tired.
He brings a hand up to rub at his face. He hasn't slept and this isn't going to help.]
I'll try to find it out myself, in the meantime, or at least work a way around it. If we could find a way to get another one of those wishing coins...
[ it’s abrupt, like he wasn’t really listening to what guren said. ]
If I understood this power…
[ maybe he could be precise enough to fight back guren’s demon for him, without killing him. even if death isn’t permanent here, the idea isn’t one he wants to rely on.
his purification should be perfect for this, but he’s afraid of it. the small things, he can control. he can bat away infections, he can clean things up, but guren’s demon might be too wound in him to purify without hurting guren himself.
Hey. [Guren reaches to take Dextera's chin, lifting it enough to look him in the eyes. He doesn't want him to be so sad. He can see it in his movements, in his expression, the way he signs or writes.]
Don't be sorry. It's my fault that anything is like this to begin with. I'm the one who gave Yuu his weapon, too, knowing exactly what he was.
[He's the one who couldn't stop Mahiru from trying to develop all of this. He couldn't save her, he couldn't stop her from spreading it to him, he couldn't stop himself from giving in to that power and going on a rampage— it goes on.]
[ they could play the blame game all day. if it’s guren’s fault things are like that in his world, for the people around him, then it’s still dextera’s fault that god’s purification is in a vessel that doesn’t know how to handle it.
he doesn’t deserve it, but he has it, and he can’t use it without hurting others. ]
…
[ he forces himself to nod, at least. there’s nothing that could come of arguing. ]
He's still going to make me our supply, so there's no rush, as of right now.
[He frowns a little.] But I know it's not something easy to ask you. But if he really does have a demon, or something else going on with him, then that's a dangerous thing for him to have in only his hands. I'm sorry... and thank you.
[ dextera understands. he doesn’t like it, but he understands—ryo is a threat to himself and others, if it’s a demon, and even if it isn’t. that megalomania wasn’t just some show. ]
[Guren takes one of Dextera's hands and lifts it to his own lips, kissing his fingers softly.]
I promise. I'm doing everything I can.
So let's not worry about those things right now. It's a good thing Yuu's here, too, and he might even be able to shake some sense into Crowley. He has a way with people. Let's just enjoy some time together. There's no one else from your home here, right?
[ dextera doesn’t know how anyone could get crowley to heel, but he’s also aware that he’s the least equipped to do that in any respect. at least yuu and guren have the benefit of knowing him. ]
[ dextera didn’t precisely learn his lesson about getting attached to people that have nothing to do with him, but at least he’s grown enough since his arrival not to imprint on poor sandalphon. ]
[ dextera knows that guren is right, but it doesn’t change the fundamental feeling in his stomach. sandalphon is someone he knows, from the bible, but not personally. ]
If he gives either of you trouble, I’ll take care of it.
[ Guren is firm in that, protective in a way that’s clear in his tone, if not just his word choice. ]
Or... you can just talk to me about it, if that helps. But he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy that’s going to give you trouble. [ ... ] I know his name, too, but I can’t assume anything until we see how he acts.
[ sandalphon doesn’t seem bad, just… cold. maybe he doesn’t have the same aims as the archangel he knew. isn’t it strange, that dextera would doubt so strongly the faith of an angel? ]
…
[ he nods, but there’s a distant look in his eyes until he pursues a topic he’d much rather discuss. ]
[Guren blinks at that, and he's glad for this topic too, as long as it's positive. He hopes it really is, and not that Dextera just thinks it is because he's not being healthy about it... The forever worry. He doesn't even think about mentioning how he got stung all over...]
[ sinistra is making friends, and that’s the best thing dextera could ask for, even if he has his own complicated feelings about sinistra becoming close to others—that’s a dark secret, for himself. ]
…
[ he nods, and he seems a little happier at this. ]
[ dextera, of course, could never even fathom being that cruel to his brother. guren probably wasn’t as mean as he likes to pretend he is, but also, sinistra has quite the tolerance. ]
He’s starting… to trust you.
[ “like” is a long way off, but trust isn’t a bad thing to earn. ]
[ it almost feels insulting, that someone would say guren is like dextera—but from his brother, it’s probably intended to be something fonder. he likes dextera. he’s biased.
for guren to consider sinistra family, though—it’s important. dextera is grateful that guren is willing to accept him, and although he’s not ready to talk about it, he needs sinistra to escape with him to guren’s world, in the end.
there’s no way he can know what all guren and sinistra spoke about, so for now, he naïvely assumes the best. ]
”Family” is hard for us.
[ he places his hands in his lap for a moment, pushing at his own fingertips as he considers that. ]
He doesn’t feel… like “family” to me. He’s my world. But I know he doesn’t feel the same way.
[Guren grows quiet at that, but it looks like he's just trying to understand. He's wondering if it's healthy to think this way. He's never had siblings himself. He knows that the Hiiragis weren't anything to base good relationships off of. He understood the closeness he felt to his own clan, his own family— how he wanted to be able to kill any of his friends and retainers for their sake, but could never quite bring himself to be able to.]
...And what do I feel like, to you?
[Maybe that's too much, to ask that immediately after. He's not upset, he's just curious.]
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[Honestly, it's kind of amazing how Guren isn't showing any anger at this at all. It's because he's used to it, and because he's already trying to plan around it.]
I did want to ask for your help on this one thing. But before I ask, I want you to say no if you'd rather not do something like this.
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[ guren is giving him the option to back out, and it’s tempting. he doesn’t like the idea of going against whatever ryo has planned, even though it’s actively harmful for guren.
he knows his priorities are a mess, but—he can’t help it. almost more than anyone else here, ryo has sway over him. dextera can even say no to guren, but to ryo?
he’s helpless. ]
What… do you want me to do?
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But if you get the chance to look around his house, I'd appreciate it.
[He knows this is difficult to ask of anyone to do for someone they care about, but selfishly, he wants Dextera to try for him. If not, he'll have to get even craftier himself.]
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he can’t imagine how ryo would react, which makes considering it all the more difficult. does ryo trust him? he must, if only a little, but getting caught sneaking around his home would surely break that faith completely.
or—would ryo find it amusing? petty? pathetic? he can still hear that cold regard in the back of his mind, and his stomach twists imagining ryo’s gaze on him if he got what dextera was up to.
for all this confusion, though, he loves guren more than he fears ryo. he can’t guarantee results, and that’s some relief in its own way. if he can’t do it, he’s safe. ]
…
[ it’s cruel of ryo to hold it back. ]
I can… try.
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[It's sincere, and even if he knows Dextera must be struggling with it, he sighs out like he's relieved. Maybe it's cruel to show that, too, but he can't even help it. He's tired.
He brings a hand up to rub at his face. He hasn't slept and this isn't going to help.]
I'll try to find it out myself, in the meantime, or at least work a way around it. If we could find a way to get another one of those wishing coins...
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[ it’s abrupt, like he wasn’t really listening to what guren said. ]
If I understood this power…
[ maybe he could be precise enough to fight back guren’s demon for him, without killing him. even if death isn’t permanent here, the idea isn’t one he wants to rely on.
his purification should be perfect for this, but he’s afraid of it. the small things, he can control. he can bat away infections, he can clean things up, but guren’s demon might be too wound in him to purify without hurting guren himself.
if only. ]
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Don't be sorry. It's my fault that anything is like this to begin with. I'm the one who gave Yuu his weapon, too, knowing exactly what he was.
[He's the one who couldn't stop Mahiru from trying to develop all of this. He couldn't save her, he couldn't stop her from spreading it to him, he couldn't stop himself from giving in to that power and going on a rampage— it goes on.]
I can fix it, too. I still have time.
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he doesn’t deserve it, but he has it, and he can’t use it without hurting others. ]
…
[ he forces himself to nod, at least. there’s nothing that could come of arguing. ]
I’ll try to get the notes. Please… be patient.
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[He frowns a little.] But I know it's not something easy to ask you. But if he really does have a demon, or something else going on with him, then that's a dangerous thing for him to have in only his hands. I'm sorry... and thank you.
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I want you… to be safe.
[ that’s all. ]
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[Guren takes one of Dextera's hands and lifts it to his own lips, kissing his fingers softly.]
I promise. I'm doing everything I can.
So let's not worry about those things right now. It's a good thing Yuu's here, too, and he might even be able to shake some sense into Crowley. He has a way with people. Let's just enjoy some time together. There's no one else from your home here, right?
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…
[ he shakes his head, at that question. ]
But… Sandalphon.
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[Of course he did, and of course he was wondering if Dextera had, too.]
What are your thoughts?
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[ dextera didn’t precisely learn his lesson about getting attached to people that have nothing to do with him, but at least he’s grown enough since his arrival not to imprint on poor sandalphon. ]
I don’t know.
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[He doesn't want to see Dextera worried about it.]
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I know. I’m just… scared. And my brother…
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[ Guren is firm in that, protective in a way that’s clear in his tone, if not just his word choice. ]
Or... you can just talk to me about it, if that helps. But he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy that’s going to give you trouble. [ ... ] I know his name, too, but I can’t assume anything until we see how he acts.
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…
[ he nods, but there’s a distant look in his eyes until he pursues a topic he’d much rather discuss. ]
Big brother is… getting better.
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[Guren blinks at that, and he's glad for this topic too, as long as it's positive. He hopes it really is, and not that Dextera just thinks it is because he's not being healthy about it... The forever worry. He doesn't even think about mentioning how he got stung all over...]
You're spending more time together, you mean?
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…
[ he nods, and he seems a little happier at this. ]
He asked me to come over… after you helped him.
[ he knows! ]
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Did you tell him he was an idiot for getting stung all over in the first place? Because I did.
[Yeah he was so tough and mean and definitely didn't gingerly bandage him all up like a mummy.]
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[ dextera, of course, could never even fathom being that cruel to his brother. guren probably wasn’t as mean as he likes to pretend he is, but also, sinistra has quite the tolerance. ]
He’s starting… to trust you.
[ “like” is a long way off, but trust isn’t a bad thing to earn. ]
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[And he's NOT!!! Clearly.]
Anyway, he doesn't have to trust me. He seemed more pissed off when I told him he was family than anything else.
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for guren to consider sinistra family, though—it’s important. dextera is grateful that guren is willing to accept him, and although he’s not ready to talk about it, he needs sinistra to escape with him to guren’s world, in the end.
there’s no way he can know what all guren and sinistra spoke about, so for now, he naïvely assumes the best. ]
”Family” is hard for us.
[ he places his hands in his lap for a moment, pushing at his own fingertips as he considers that. ]
He doesn’t feel… like “family” to me. He’s my world. But I know he doesn’t feel the same way.
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...And what do I feel like, to you?
[Maybe that's too much, to ask that immediately after. He's not upset, he's just curious.]
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