[ sinistra is making friends, and that’s the best thing dextera could ask for, even if he has his own complicated feelings about sinistra becoming close to others—that’s a dark secret, for himself. ]
…
[ he nods, and he seems a little happier at this. ]
[ dextera, of course, could never even fathom being that cruel to his brother. guren probably wasn’t as mean as he likes to pretend he is, but also, sinistra has quite the tolerance. ]
He’s starting… to trust you.
[ “like” is a long way off, but trust isn’t a bad thing to earn. ]
[ it almost feels insulting, that someone would say guren is like dextera—but from his brother, it’s probably intended to be something fonder. he likes dextera. he’s biased.
for guren to consider sinistra family, though—it’s important. dextera is grateful that guren is willing to accept him, and although he’s not ready to talk about it, he needs sinistra to escape with him to guren’s world, in the end.
there’s no way he can know what all guren and sinistra spoke about, so for now, he naïvely assumes the best. ]
”Family” is hard for us.
[ he places his hands in his lap for a moment, pushing at his own fingertips as he considers that. ]
He doesn’t feel… like “family” to me. He’s my world. But I know he doesn’t feel the same way.
[Guren grows quiet at that, but it looks like he's just trying to understand. He's wondering if it's healthy to think this way. He's never had siblings himself. He knows that the Hiiragis weren't anything to base good relationships off of. He understood the closeness he felt to his own clan, his own family— how he wanted to be able to kill any of his friends and retainers for their sake, but could never quite bring himself to be able to.]
...And what do I feel like, to you?
[Maybe that's too much, to ask that immediately after. He's not upset, he's just curious.]
[ dextera didn’t expect guren to ask. he doesn’t have an answer prepared, but he’s not sure that even a thousand years could have given him the right words to say.
he loves guren. it’s a distinct, different love than the one he has for his brother—less complicated, in some ways, since the person he’s been here in chroma is so very different from the person he was told he was back in his own world.
his brother is the center of his universe. losing him was like losing a piece of himself that never recovered. thinking of it like that, guren is much the same. ]
…
[ it takes him a moment to come up with an answer that satisfies him. ]
You’re the first person… that’s made me wonder if it’s OK.
[ if it’s okay to be so attached to someone, to want to take him back into himself even to the detriment of both their lives. any objective viewer would say that it can’t be okay, but dextera isn’t quite there yet.
he’s just beginning to accept that his brother has a life unto himself, and so must dextera. ]
My brother… is everything to me. But for some reason… I don’t want to share you.
[Guren decides he's fine with that answer, compared to what it could have been, and stresses this again. He places his hand on Dextera's cheek, tender, begging him to take this seriously.]
Don't swallow him up just because you think you'll hurt less. You won't. Instead, let him live beside you, and I'll belong only to you. I'll fill whatever I can of that hole myself.
dextera has never had that, or at least never allowed himself to. he talked about his brother getting better, but he’s the one who needs the recovery more than anything.
he touches guren’s hand over his cheek, and stares—listening to his words, noting the look in his eyes. guren means so much to him, even though it’s impossible to imagine concretely that anyone could be more important than his brother. ]
[ dextera wishes he could do it himself. he’s tired of burdening guren when guren already has so much to worry about—but he knows that he wouldn’t be able to do it on his own, either. distance would only make it harder, for both of them. ]
I love you.
[ that, oddly, is something guren has over sinistra. dextera loves his brother, he does, but saying it out loud like this feels wrong.
[That makes his heart skip a beat, he becomes more aware of his own breathing, and every word he wants to reply to it with gets stuck in his throat. It's hard to reply to something so open and honest when he doesn't believe he deserves to have it. It's like he won't allow himself to encourage it.
At least he's already said what he feels before. He hopes Dextera understands, even if Guren is an idiot who can't reply properly.
Without words, he leans in and kisses Dextera's other cheek fondly.]
[ dextera understands. for how well they’ve been able to communicate, as dextera learns how to sign, silence is yet his métier. it’s something they can always share in, easy and comforting as long as it’s their own choice. ]
…
[ that soft kiss makes him feel better. it eases the pain at his side, and he looks at guren with a quiet, thoughtful gaze. it’s not easy for either of them to be alive with all that weighs on their shoulders, but somehow, they’re surviving.
together, they’re surviving. ]
…I got stung too, you know.
[ it takes a while, but this is the cheeky thing he chooses to say—he needs guren’s medical attention, too, you see… ]
[ dextera can’t actually swing from pensive to playful in just an instant like that, but guren’s response does help him keep the momentum of the comment going. ]
Ah!
[ it’s almost a laugh of his own, and dextera obligingly rolls up his sleeve. it’s on his bicep, since the bees are relentless and strong enough to pierce fabric. it hurt like hell, but now, it’s hardly even swollen. there’s just a mark.
still, he offers his arm to guren… just in case? ]
[It's all on the outside, really. Does Guren ever stop being deep and sad? No. But he can take a break from showing it to allow himself to relax, and he's so desperate for that that he'll take it at any chance.
Taking his arm more tenderly than his adventurous little plucks, he kisses the mark gently.
But, more seriously:]
Was it just regular venom? [...] Either way, you could have come to me about it. The honey might be grey, but it's a good way of soothing the itching that comes with it, and helps the wound heal faster, too.
[ dextera nods, warmly when guren kisses him, but the fact that guren offers him that care… he wants it, but he doesn’t need it. internal issues, whether they’re poison or paralysis or anything else that the creatures in the forest might induce, are easier for dextera to shake.
his body naturally purifies itself, after all. ]
I’m OK. I can… take care of myself.
[ unlike his brother, who has learned all about bee stings and sunburns the hard way. ]
[Guren eyes that sting mark a little longer before he lets go of Dextera's arm. It's funny, how he wants to be needed. He likes that Dextera is safe, that he can take care of himself, that there's less room for Guren to screw up and put him in danger, but... Hmm. He doesn't know what this little feeling is.]
I should probably do a better job of that myself.
[After that whole... paralysis venom thing. I think this is after that. Maybe.]
[ the purification of venom and things—dextera thinks he can do that. he can always help guren mediate the effects, if guren would let him, but guren never invites him along on his most dangerous journeys. ]
I’m experienced.
[ that’s what he’s angling for now, at least. ]
The Meta-Beings… those monsters… do the same things.
I should be, too. Even if I was trained more for things like truth serums, there were a number of toxins I learned to resist. On top of that, I know spellcraft... basic magic, spells, how to create protective seals. None of that works.
[It's frustrating, in a way. But he's letting that show too much, and he waves it off.]
I guess it's different when a monster is doing it compared to a human.
[ dextera knows it’s frustrating, but it’s also something that can’t be changed—unless guren goes out and tries to make himself immune to all of it, and dextera wouldn’t let him get away with that. ]
[Maybe he should have asked Dextera to come with him. Maybe he really was thinking of the bogeyman when he shouldn't have been. He doesn't know, and he doesn't want to think of it again. It's his fault for bringing it up.]
But next time, I'll try to remember that. You can yell at me if I don't.
[ the bogeyman will probably haunt the both of them for a long time. dextera is guilty for dying, even now—even though they’ve both since learned that death isn’t permanent here. it hurt guren. that’s enough to make him never want to die again. ]
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…
[ he nods, and he seems a little happier at this. ]
He asked me to come over… after you helped him.
[ he knows! ]
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Did you tell him he was an idiot for getting stung all over in the first place? Because I did.
[Yeah he was so tough and mean and definitely didn't gingerly bandage him all up like a mummy.]
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[ dextera, of course, could never even fathom being that cruel to his brother. guren probably wasn’t as mean as he likes to pretend he is, but also, sinistra has quite the tolerance. ]
He’s starting… to trust you.
[ “like” is a long way off, but trust isn’t a bad thing to earn. ]
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[And he's NOT!!! Clearly.]
Anyway, he doesn't have to trust me. He seemed more pissed off when I told him he was family than anything else.
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for guren to consider sinistra family, though—it’s important. dextera is grateful that guren is willing to accept him, and although he’s not ready to talk about it, he needs sinistra to escape with him to guren’s world, in the end.
there’s no way he can know what all guren and sinistra spoke about, so for now, he naïvely assumes the best. ]
”Family” is hard for us.
[ he places his hands in his lap for a moment, pushing at his own fingertips as he considers that. ]
He doesn’t feel… like “family” to me. He’s my world. But I know he doesn’t feel the same way.
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...And what do I feel like, to you?
[Maybe that's too much, to ask that immediately after. He's not upset, he's just curious.]
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[ dextera didn’t expect guren to ask. he doesn’t have an answer prepared, but he’s not sure that even a thousand years could have given him the right words to say.
he loves guren. it’s a distinct, different love than the one he has for his brother—less complicated, in some ways, since the person he’s been here in chroma is so very different from the person he was told he was back in his own world.
his brother is the center of his universe. losing him was like losing a piece of himself that never recovered. thinking of it like that, guren is much the same. ]
…
[ it takes him a moment to come up with an answer that satisfies him. ]
You’re the first person… that’s made me wonder if it’s OK.
[ if it’s okay to be so attached to someone, to want to take him back into himself even to the detriment of both their lives. any objective viewer would say that it can’t be okay, but dextera isn’t quite there yet.
he’s just beginning to accept that his brother has a life unto himself, and so must dextera. ]
My brother… is everything to me. But for some reason… I don’t want to share you.
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[Guren decides he's fine with that answer, compared to what it could have been, and stresses this again. He places his hand on Dextera's cheek, tender, begging him to take this seriously.]
Don't swallow him up just because you think you'll hurt less. You won't. Instead, let him live beside you, and I'll belong only to you. I'll fill whatever I can of that hole myself.
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dextera has never had that, or at least never allowed himself to. he talked about his brother getting better, but he’s the one who needs the recovery more than anything.
he touches guren’s hand over his cheek, and stares—listening to his words, noting the look in his eyes. guren means so much to him, even though it’s impossible to imagine concretely that anyone could be more important than his brother. ]
I’m trying. [ he is. ] For you—and for me.
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[Guren smooths his thumb over his cheek where his hand rests, even with Dextera's over it.]
I'm here to help with that, too. ...For as long as you'll have me.
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I love you.
[ that, oddly, is something guren has over sinistra. dextera loves his brother, he does, but saying it out loud like this feels wrong.
he turns his face, kissing guren’s palm. ]
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At least he's already said what he feels before. He hopes Dextera understands, even if Guren is an idiot who can't reply properly.
Without words, he leans in and kisses Dextera's other cheek fondly.]
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…
[ that soft kiss makes him feel better. it eases the pain at his side, and he looks at guren with a quiet, thoughtful gaze. it’s not easy for either of them to be alive with all that weighs on their shoulders, but somehow, they’re surviving.
together, they’re surviving. ]
…I got stung too, you know.
[ it takes a while, but this is the cheeky thing he chooses to say—he needs guren’s medical attention, too, you see… ]
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Why didn't you say so? You want me to kiss it better? Where does it hurt?
[He's pulling his hand away from his face to pluck at his clothes here and there like he's gonna search for it!!]
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Ah!
[ it’s almost a laugh of his own, and dextera obligingly rolls up his sleeve. it’s on his bicep, since the bees are relentless and strong enough to pierce fabric. it hurt like hell, but now, it’s hardly even swollen. there’s just a mark.
still, he offers his arm to guren… just in case? ]
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Taking his arm more tenderly than his adventurous little plucks, he kisses the mark gently.
But, more seriously:]
Was it just regular venom? [...] Either way, you could have come to me about it. The honey might be grey, but it's a good way of soothing the itching that comes with it, and helps the wound heal faster, too.
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his body naturally purifies itself, after all. ]
I’m OK. I can… take care of myself.
[ unlike his brother, who has learned all about bee stings and sunburns the hard way. ]
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[Guren eyes that sting mark a little longer before he lets go of Dextera's arm. It's funny, how he wants to be needed. He likes that Dextera is safe, that he can take care of himself, that there's less room for Guren to screw up and put him in danger, but... Hmm. He doesn't know what this little feeling is.]
I should probably do a better job of that myself.
[After that whole... paralysis venom thing. I think this is after that. Maybe.]
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I’m experienced.
[ that’s what he’s angling for now, at least. ]
The Meta-Beings… those monsters… do the same things.
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[It's frustrating, in a way. But he's letting that show too much, and he waves it off.]
I guess it's different when a monster is doing it compared to a human.
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So let me help.
[ that’s all. ]
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[Maybe he should have asked Dextera to come with him. Maybe he really was thinking of the bogeyman when he shouldn't have been. He doesn't know, and he doesn't want to think of it again. It's his fault for bringing it up.]
But next time, I'll try to remember that. You can yell at me if I don't.
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…I can’t yell.
[ thanks ]
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[Playfully jabbing. He can sign Very Aggressively!! It's the same thing.
But, it's back to being somewhat lighter with this, so he'll take it, stretching his legs a bit over the side of the bed.]
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dextera isn’t really in the mood to get offended by that, though, and so he takes the lull in conversation, in tone, to come join guren on the bed. ]
I’m… a gracious loser.
[ is he, though ]
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