passio | ic contact.

[ as soon as guren tries to pull away, if only verbally like that, dextera shakes his head—his touch grows more insistent, and he searches for eye contact, suddenly desperate. he doesn’t have words for all that he wants to say. it’s not that there’s nothing, or that this is a rejection. there’s just too much in his heart.

he told guren he didn’t know. it was a lie then, and it would be a lie now, to say that he’s not sure if he would take the opportunity to run away. it hurts so much, but guren makes it hurt less. ]

I—

[ he signs that with the one hand he has available, but it’s not enough, but he doesn’t want to stop touching guren, but.

he hesitates, and then quickly pulls his other hand away just so he can make his earnest entreaty before guren thinks he’s done something wrong in telling dextera his feelings. ]

I want to go with you. I hate that world.

[ his fingers are shaking. he doesn’t know what he wants to say, or how to sign it. ]

I treasure you far more.

[The insistence in his touching makes Guren turn back, even if it's almost too much to bear. He can feel those emotions, even if he can't put his finger on what they mean, and then Dextera is signing completely and Guren watches. His eyes widen slightly in his surprise, his heart leaps and feels as if it gets stuck in his throat, and he almost doesn't know what to feel.

A fraction of guilt, still, for what he's wanting, what he's encouraging. But far more selfishness, desire. He wants Dextera to come with him, even if it's dangerous, even if things might go wrong, even if Dextera may never get his memories back, or solve that guilt of his own. Guren selfishly believes he can fix it himself. He wants to believe...

And Dextera wants to go with him too?]

Then I'll find a way to take you with me.

[That's all there is to it. He's not trembling or anything himself, but his voice sounds like it does a little there, actually. He reaches out to touch his own fingertips to Dextera's cheek, testing, quiet.]

[ dextera closes his eyes, slowing down when guren touches his cheek. his emotions are still raging inside him, and it feels like nothing he says will be able to communicate the depth of how much he wants out of the burden of his guilt, and how much he wants to go with guren and leave that life behind. it’s… unhealthy. it’s cruel, it’s mercenary, it’s self-centered. he knows, but he doesn’t care. ]

That world… will survive without me.

[ more carefully signed, but no less emotional. ]

I can’t survive without you.

[He lets out a breath he was holding, shaky and emotional. His fingers trace further along Dextera's cheek, near his jaw, appreciative.]

Dextera...

[He thinks, in this moment, that Dextera's brother will probably hate him for this. Guren has no idea what he really wants for Dextera, and he thinks right after that he doesn't care what he wants, either. Dextera is his— that is to say, he wants him to be by his side, happy, doing what he wants. Away from the Archangel and everything else. There are people there that need help too, and he knows it, but he wants to push that away, even if the way Mahiru shifts inside of him is ominous.

How is it that someone who doesn't have his voice can be so much better at words than him, though? It's embarrassing.]

I need you. [He's just repeating the same thing, it's not enough at all, and his eyebrows furrow for it.] More than I can put to words. I'll take you with me, so don't go anywhere.

[ until they figure out a way to make it reality, these are all just nice words, a comfort and a fantasy that may never come true—but the instant it’s possible, dextera knows he won’t fight it. how could he? ]

…

[ he nods, slowly. he won’t go anywhere. he’ll follow guren to the ends of the earth and beyond the boundary of their universes, if he must. ]

You can’t go anywhere either. Not without me.

[ dextera doesn’t want to be alone, ever again. ]

I won't.

[There's none of the hesitation that should be there in a place like this, where people turn to stone or vanish all the time. Instead, Guren is confident, determined, and his hand moves from Dextera's cheek to wrap around his shoulders, instead, pulling him into a hug.]

I'm not going anywhere without you.

[ dextera will fight with everything he has to stay with guren, at least until they’ve figured out a way to get home of their own volition. a small, dark part of him would be happy to have them all right here in this town, but it’s enough for him too, to be able to go back with guren.

he easily falls into that hug, returning the embrace and breathing in deeply. he’ll remember this. guren’s scent, the feel of his body pressed to dextera’s, that desperate, unending desire to be together.

to be one. ]

…stay here.

[ overnight, he means. he doesn’t want guren to turn around and go home so soon. ]

I'll stay.

[He's right here already, and he doesn't want to get up and move anyway. Holding him like this, he relaxes into their embrace, also enjoying the feeling of them pressed together.]

...Sorry I worried you.

[ it’s hard to believe that dextera was worried about it, when this is the conclusion they’ve come to after all that. they love each other so much that they would tear down the boundaries of their worlds to be together, and dextera thought guren was going to leave him over… nothing. ]

…

[ dextera shakes his head, still buried against guren. all is forgiven, since there was nothing much to worry about in the first place. after a moment, he pulls back so he can actually look at guren. ]

It sounded… serious.

It was serious. Just not how you thought it was.

[ It was completely serious to make sure Dextera heard this. It was his every feeling, the strongest parts, all there, bare and exposed. That’s serious! Especially for a guy who can’t even admit when he thinks someone isn’t annoying. His gaze slides to the side. ]

Anyway, it’s fine now, right? We’re together, and we’ll stay that way.

[ it is fine now. dextera buries his face again, just long enough to kiss whatever part of guren’s torso is closest to him, and then he moves, turning, until he’s settled with his back against guren’s chest—though he’s still very definitely in guren’s arms. ]

I’m lucky.

[ Ah... a kiss that warms him, and now he can warm Dextera in return, wrapping his arms around him from this new position and squeezing a little. It feels comfortable. It feels right. ]

Shut up, already... [ Saying embarrassing things like that. But Dextera doesn’t get half of the feigned annoyance that anyone else would. It’s soft, fond, and he’s busy tucking his face into Dextera’s neck and kissing him there. Sweet little kisses. ]

[ dextera can hear and feel his sincerity better than he’d be able to if he were looking at guren’s face, properly. he loves those little kisses, and now that his heart is starting to go back to normal after that intense, high-adrenaline conversation, he feels tired. relaxed, maybe.

he’s happy, right here. ]

I’m lucky!

[ he signs it again, with more fervor, and definitely a little humor. ]

You...

[This cheeky punk!! Guren is grinning, though, as his arms shift and he grabs at Dextera's hands to capture them, re-wrapping them around him together.]

Who's lucky, huh?? [This time, when he kisses at his neck, he aims to tickle.]

Ah!

[ guren GOT HIM, and dextera can’t help but squirm when guren dives in to kiss his neck with such an intention.

it’s nice, albeit unexpected, that they can have moments like this too on the heels of something so heavy. ]

Heheh!

[His grip loosens on Dextera's hands, so he can slip free whenever he wants, even as Guren keeps his arms wrapped around him in a snug hold. His kisses turn more gentle again, lingering, even if he purposefully exhales against that spot shortly after.]

I'm the lucky one, idiot. [Soooo there.]

Let's play some chess. It's been a while, right?

[ dextera nods. his brother’s arrival had thoroughly taken him out of the mood for chess, ironically, but things have settled since then. he’s happier, more comfortable. he turns his head to press a kiss to whatever he can reach, and then he pulls away from guren. ]

I’ll win.

[ just so guren knows. ]

No way. I've been practicing.

[Not with anyone else, mind you. He's spent some time just imagining fake games in his head and playing against himself. Why can he do this? Why is he capable of this? He's the worst.]

Don't get cocky.

[He squeezes at Dextera's arm right as he pulls away, and then shifts to go find the chess board himself so he can get it set up.]

[ dextera smiles, too fond as he watches guren go to grab the chess board and set it up. he’s so in love… and this is why he doesn’t want the town to change at all. he wants to keep living out these days, doing quests and playing chess with guren for as long as he’s allowed. ]

You should play with big brother.

[ they made up, in case it isn’t obvious. ]

...I don't think he likes me very much.

[Well, they barely know each other, after all, and Guren just started assaulting him with words about his brother and his life. So. He can get it. He sets up the chessboard as he sits down.]

Have you even told him about us?

[ dextera refuses to believe that his brother wouldn’t like guren, if they gave each other a chance, so he absolutely stubbornly does not listen to the possibility that sinistra doesn’t like guren. ]

Not yet.

[ he does admit that, though, rolling one of the pawns under the tip of a free finger.

he doesn’t know how to address it. ]

...It's going to get worse when you tell him.

[That's his prediction, as he finishes setting up the last few pieces and then sits back to process this first with a sigh.]

And if you hold back and wait to tell him too long, and he finds out first, it'll be even worse than that.

[ it’s not going to get worse, and that’s just a fact of life. dextera refuses, absolutely, to believe that anything bad is going to come of this even if he knows logically that sinistra won’t like it. ]

…

[ dextera is going to take the advantage of white, and he moves his first piece. ]

What are we?

[ what does he even call them? ]

...Well.

[He pauses for a moment, eyeing the board, making his move and still waiting before he speaks.]

Do I have to say it out loud? Isn't it obvious?

[ dextera lets out a breath of a laugh at that defensive answer. it’s a sincere question! he doesn’t know what their title would be, to others. ]

We’re together. I know. Are we…

[ he moves a piece, before he finishes that thought, and then spells out the word as he’s still looking at the board. ]

”Lovers”?

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