[ dextera flinches when guren corrects him, but he doesn’t argue. they’re biologically exactly the same, just as dextera and his many clones were, but—it’s true. his brother does not act the same way he does. time and trauma have shaped both of them in different ways, and it makes dextera a little anxious to think about.
he doesn’t know anything about the person his brother has become. ]
[Guren frowns a little, and it's unclear if it's because he's offended at the idea that he wouldn't be able to, or he's embarrassed that he could.]
After all of the time we've spent together, you really think I'd make a mistake like that? There's...
[There's a light in everything he does. His eyes are bright, his presence is powerful even when he tries to make himself small, and there's something that draws him closer unmistakably. Something Guren wants to reach out and hold onto. The way he smiles, frowns, the way he gets huffy if he loses chess. The slight differences in the angles of the corners of his mouth for each of those things, depending on the situation... He's memorized the way he walks, how he reaches for things, what his looks mean.]
[ it’s… complicated, to hear that someone thinks the two of them are “completely different.” maybe there are twins out there who crave individual recognition, who want to be different, but dextera isn’t among them. having someone who is exactly like him in the huge, terrifying world he came from was a comfort. it is a comfort, but when guren says that…
it feels good. ]
…
[ very subtly, his ears turn a little red, and he shifts. ]
[Guren watches that, quietly, still embarrassed himself. It takes a minute or so to make sure he can stay composed without snapping like a child, and then he's fine. Calm, collected, speaking again.]
You're the only one I feel this way about.
[Just so that's clear, but he continues on.] But that means if he's important to you, he's important to me, too. I don't care what he thinks. Just let me know if I can ever help.
[Reasonably... but he'll go bug him if he's being a mean brother. This stranger, butting in.]
If he and I are both in Ruga, maybe that means we have something in common. But color isn't stopping you from being close with anyone.
[ guren’s words do put him at ease, somewhat. he doesn’t want his brother left behind in this town, and if he’s being objective about it, it is true that his brother can be unpleasant to the people that aren’t dextera. vaguely, he remembers hearing the doctors talk. the specifics are too far away, but he can feel the gist of their behaviors in the back of his mind.
they weren’t easy kids to deal with. ]
…
[ dextera slides his hand forward on the floor between them, a tentative offer of peace after getting so upset earlier. it wasn’t a fight, exactly, but dextera feels like he should apologize anyway. with his other hand, he signs. ]
[He assumes that's where this is going. And if it is, that means that guy is going to have a rough time when everyone else mistakes him for Dextera, or he realizes how many friends Dextera has made. Right?] I think I understand. But your friends will give him a chance, too, and maybe more.
This town is filled with kind people. It isn't like your world at all. You've learned that, too.
[ it would be nice, if his brother could find someone like guren—someone who so instantly understood him and was willing to extend patience to all the foolish things he did, and eventually become something like this. it’s not impossible, dextera thinks. his brother is incredible, if people would give him the chance to show it. ]
…
[ he pushes his fingers against guren’s now, slowly, like an animal that’s shyly trying to feel out what’s safe again after being spooked into hiding.
glancing from their hands to guren’s face, dextera nods. he’s learned that very well. ]
[It's only now that Guren realizes the hand is for him, specifically. He'd been so lost in thought, trying to communicate, to help, that he hadn't picked up on it at all. He reaches to lace their fingers together, and his other hand even moves over to cover Dextera's, as well. It's an enveloping grip.]
It might be hard, but it'll be okay. No matter what happens, I'm here. [He's feeling like that's more worthless by the minute, but all the same... it does seem to do something.]
I'm just glad you're here with me. I'm glad you're okay.
[He was so worried... No matter how much he tries to keep that in, it's going to slip out.]
[ it does so much more than guren realizes—or even than dextera realizes sometimes, caught up in his own pain as he is. it’s too easy to take it for granted that guren will be here, the more time they spend together.
dextera scoots forward, and then lets himself rest against guren with his forehead pressed to guren’s shoulder. it’s been a few days, and guren isn’t perfectly healed, but he’s obviously better—moving, albeit not strenuously. he can handle it for a second if dextera does this. ]
I…
[ quietly, in his voice, but he doesn’t finish the thought. ]
[He can do more than handle it. He appreciates the closeness, allowing Dextera to rest there without a flinch or shift at all. He wants to let him be comfortable. To allow him to be close.
There's his voice, and as short as it is, Guren finds himself drawn in by it as always. It's so soft... He's so lucky to be able to hear it, sometimes, like this.]
[ okay, well, he’s not going to say it now that he’s been prompted, but surely guren will understand. dextera has said that he likes guren plenty of times by now, and they’ve shared enough about each other that the rest of it is understood, even if only implicitly.
still, it’s the most forward he’s been, when he presses the hand that was previously signing to guren’s heart.
for everything that dextera is feeling, for as horribly upset as he was just a little while earlier, this feels… constant. it’s an anchor. guren has kept him sane. ]
[...He does get it. His heart beats faster, but it's something only he can notice, he hopes. He breathes slowly, deeply, and one of his hands moves away from their other, laced ones. He presses that over Dextera's heart, in turn, and now they're both doing this silly gesture in the middle of the floor with Dextera leaning against him like this.
He doesn't say anything about it, either, but he does smile, as small as it is. It's incredibly warm. Eventually, he speaks, but it's only after enjoying this silence for a few moments.]
Remember, you can ask me to stay whenever you want. We can be as close as you want to, at any time.
his brother’s arrival has confused him, and one conversation with someone he trusts isn’t going to fix that—no matter how reasonable guren was, dextera is desperate for someone to fix things for him, and it’s just as likely that he’s going to ask ryo for advice and guidance as it is that he’s going to talk to his brother about all these things that he’s feeling.
(in reality, the former is more likely than the latter, as he feels right now.)
even so, despite everything else, guren feels like home for him. as long as guren is still willing to touch him like this, dextera wants to be someone worthy of being comforted. he doesn’t want to be a burden. ]
Always.
[ against guren’s heart, still, but with a breath of a laugh that’s more visible than it is audible. ]
[Guren smiles a little wider at that. He wonders if he'll be enough for Dextera, if he can live up to that, but he can certainly try. It's why he moves his hand away from his heart to take his chin, instead, pulling them apart just enough so that he can duck down and turn his head, taking his lips in a kiss.
It's emotional, just a way of expressing his feelings where words will do no good. It's not the passion of some days, or the desperation of others. It's a confident thing, loving and here, ready to hold Dextera close.
He breathes softly against him once his meaning is clear.]
[ dextera kisses him slowly, almost an apology for his outburst earlier. even if guren said he could—he doesn’t want to be that person. he’s hurt too many people by lashing out, and maybe he can’t always stop it from starting, but he can try not to feed it.
when they come apart, he sighs, closing his eyes for just one moment.
he doesn’t know where to go from here, but—guren can help him. guren will help him. he just has to be patient. ]
You’d better.
[ already, the desire to return to his brother is pulling at his heart—but he should focus on what’s here. his brother will be there tomorrow, and dextera can seek him out with a clear head. ]
[Guren says it so affectionately, though, and it's clear he means that well. Dextera telling him he "better" is the best thing, after all. He wants that love, that determination. He doesn't want him to give up. Not on him, not on himself.]
I'm right here, so relax here with me. Take it all one step at a time. [So, he's agreeing with Dextera's thoughts, really.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
he doesn’t know anything about the person his brother has become. ]
…
[ he frowns. ]
You could tell us apart?
no subject
[Guren frowns a little, and it's unclear if it's because he's offended at the idea that he wouldn't be able to, or he's embarrassed that he could.]
After all of the time we've spent together, you really think I'd make a mistake like that? There's...
[There's a light in everything he does. His eyes are bright, his presence is powerful even when he tries to make himself small, and there's something that draws him closer unmistakably. Something Guren wants to reach out and hold onto. The way he smiles, frowns, the way he gets huffy if he loses chess. The slight differences in the angles of the corners of his mouth for each of those things, depending on the situation... He's memorized the way he walks, how he reaches for things, what his looks mean.]
...It's completely different.
no subject
it feels good. ]
…
[ very subtly, his ears turn a little red, and he shifts. ]
no subject
You're the only one I feel this way about.
[Just so that's clear, but he continues on.] But that means if he's important to you, he's important to me, too. I don't care what he thinks. Just let me know if I can ever help.
[Reasonably... but he'll go bug him if he's being a mean brother. This stranger, butting in.]
If he and I are both in Ruga, maybe that means we have something in common. But color isn't stopping you from being close with anyone.
no subject
they weren’t easy kids to deal with. ]
…
[ dextera slides his hand forward on the floor between them, a tentative offer of peace after getting so upset earlier. it wasn’t a fight, exactly, but dextera feels like he should apologize anyway. with his other hand, he signs. ]
He’s lonely. [ a pause. ] We both are, but…
no subject
[He assumes that's where this is going. And if it is, that means that guy is going to have a rough time when everyone else mistakes him for Dextera, or he realizes how many friends Dextera has made. Right?] I think I understand. But your friends will give him a chance, too, and maybe more.
This town is filled with kind people. It isn't like your world at all. You've learned that, too.
no subject
…
[ he pushes his fingers against guren’s now, slowly, like an animal that’s shyly trying to feel out what’s safe again after being spooked into hiding.
glancing from their hands to guren’s face, dextera nods. he’s learned that very well. ]
no subject
It might be hard, but it'll be okay. No matter what happens, I'm here. [He's feeling like that's more worthless by the minute, but all the same... it does seem to do something.]
I'm just glad you're here with me. I'm glad you're okay.
[He was so worried... No matter how much he tries to keep that in, it's going to slip out.]
no subject
dextera scoots forward, and then lets himself rest against guren with his forehead pressed to guren’s shoulder. it’s been a few days, and guren isn’t perfectly healed, but he’s obviously better—moving, albeit not strenuously. he can handle it for a second if dextera does this. ]
I…
[ quietly, in his voice, but he doesn’t finish the thought. ]
no subject
There's his voice, and as short as it is, Guren finds himself drawn in by it as always. It's so soft... He's so lucky to be able to hear it, sometimes, like this.]
Hm? What is it?
no subject
[ okay, well, he’s not going to say it now that he’s been prompted, but surely guren will understand. dextera has said that he likes guren plenty of times by now, and they’ve shared enough about each other that the rest of it is understood, even if only implicitly.
still, it’s the most forward he’s been, when he presses the hand that was previously signing to guren’s heart.
for everything that dextera is feeling, for as horribly upset as he was just a little while earlier, this feels… constant. it’s an anchor. guren has kept him sane. ]
no subject
He doesn't say anything about it, either, but he does smile, as small as it is. It's incredibly warm. Eventually, he speaks, but it's only after enjoying this silence for a few moments.]
Remember, you can ask me to stay whenever you want. We can be as close as you want to, at any time.
[He'll make time for whatever Dextera needs.]
no subject
his brother’s arrival has confused him, and one conversation with someone he trusts isn’t going to fix that—no matter how reasonable guren was, dextera is desperate for someone to fix things for him, and it’s just as likely that he’s going to ask ryo for advice and guidance as it is that he’s going to talk to his brother about all these things that he’s feeling.
(in reality, the former is more likely than the latter, as he feels right now.)
even so, despite everything else, guren feels like home for him. as long as guren is still willing to touch him like this, dextera wants to be someone worthy of being comforted. he doesn’t want to be a burden. ]
Always.
[ against guren’s heart, still, but with a breath of a laugh that’s more visible than it is audible. ]
no subject
[Guren smiles a little wider at that. He wonders if he'll be enough for Dextera, if he can live up to that, but he can certainly try. It's why he moves his hand away from his heart to take his chin, instead, pulling them apart just enough so that he can duck down and turn his head, taking his lips in a kiss.
It's emotional, just a way of expressing his feelings where words will do no good. It's not the passion of some days, or the desperation of others. It's a confident thing, loving and here, ready to hold Dextera close.
He breathes softly against him once his meaning is clear.]
I can do always.
no subject
when they come apart, he sighs, closing his eyes for just one moment.
he doesn’t know where to go from here, but—guren can help him. guren will help him. he just has to be patient. ]
You’d better.
[ already, the desire to return to his brother is pulling at his heart—but he should focus on what’s here. his brother will be there tomorrow, and dextera can seek him out with a clear head. ]
no subject
[Guren says it so affectionately, though, and it's clear he means that well. Dextera telling him he "better" is the best thing, after all. He wants that love, that determination. He doesn't want him to give up. Not on him, not on himself.]
I'm right here, so relax here with me. Take it all one step at a time. [So, he's agreeing with Dextera's thoughts, really.]