[ the question raises some of dextera’s defenses, but it’s a natural response to hearing things about himself that he hasn’t explicitly shared. however, back in the cavern, they had all been brought low and their experiences were blown wide open for anyone to learn, with or without permission. he’s surprised howl recalls anything he saw in that state, but it’s also not so strange for those deaths to have left an impact. ]
It’s okay. I let you.
[ he responds to howl’s ‘apology’ first, still considering how much he wants to acknowledge his endless deaths. soon, though, he decides he might as well. ]
…you were taking what I already had to give. But I didn’t suffer through all those deaths because I wanted to. I had no choice.
[ Howl is trying to understand, but it's hard when he has no context for all those deaths. How could a human die more than once, nevermind that many times? Or is Dextera not a human at all...? ]
Little bird... After everything you've suffered, I don't understand how you resisted for so long. How you continue to resist.
[ He isn't asking for an explanation again, but trying to explain himself and the invasive questions. ]
The new world we make doesn't have to be like that. It won't be like that.
[ dextera shakes his head, although howl can’t see it. the response is practically reflexive to the mere idea of a new world. he doesn’t want it. he doesn’t need it. ]
Someone I know said the same thing. I died to fulfill his dreams of a new world. I’m tired of death.
[ that’s his explanation, even if it’s a little hard to parse with dextera’s stilted answers—a man not unlike the regent has orchestrated dextera’s endless deaths, and dextera recognizes those aspirations. in his mind, running away is merely sparing himself more pain. ]
Create it if you want. But leave me out of it, please.
[ So that's it then. Howl can sense the decisive conviction in Dextera's words. Although he hadn't meant to try to convince him again to accept the Kenoma, they've retread the same ground in the course of their talk, and Dextera's answer is the same. ]
As eager as I am to leave civilians and the unwilling out of this... I fear that it's already too late for that, my friend.
[ The Pleroma can't keep themselves out of this. And Howl knows that he cannot keep himself completely out of it either. Some way or another, this is everyone's problem; the Regent will make sure of that at a minimum, and their respective comrades are likely to as well, whether intentionally or not.
As much as Howl tries to acknowledge it matter-of-factly, the concern behind his words is apparent. Dextera can hear him sigh, as if it were a word. ]
If I see you again, I'll do what I can. I can promise you that much.
[ howl is kind, but the fact remains. they’re enemies. maybe dextera should once again treat himself as the kind of person who would strangle men to get what he wants, and he would be able to face howl without remorse—but in this world, there’s nothing he wants. it can’t be granted because it doesn’t exist. the lack of desire makes it harder for him to justify a fight. ]
…
[ dextera sighs too. ]
I’ve killed as many people as I’ve died myself. Please don’t engage me. I don’t want to hurt you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It’s okay. I let you.
[ he responds to howl’s ‘apology’ first, still considering how much he wants to acknowledge his endless deaths. soon, though, he decides he might as well. ]
…you were taking what I already had to give. But I didn’t suffer through all those deaths because I wanted to. I had no choice.
no subject
[ Howl is trying to understand, but it's hard when he has no context for all those deaths. How could a human die more than once, nevermind that many times? Or is Dextera not a human at all...? ]
Little bird... After everything you've suffered, I don't understand how you resisted for so long. How you continue to resist.
[ He isn't asking for an explanation again, but trying to explain himself and the invasive questions. ]
The new world we make doesn't have to be like that. It won't be like that.
no subject
Someone I know said the same thing. I died to fulfill his dreams of a new world. I’m tired of death.
[ that’s his explanation, even if it’s a little hard to parse with dextera’s stilted answers—a man not unlike the regent has orchestrated dextera’s endless deaths, and dextera recognizes those aspirations. in his mind, running away is merely sparing himself more pain. ]
Create it if you want. But leave me out of it, please.
no subject
As eager as I am to leave civilians and the unwilling out of this... I fear that it's already too late for that, my friend.
[ The Pleroma can't keep themselves out of this. And Howl knows that he cannot keep himself completely out of it either. Some way or another, this is everyone's problem; the Regent will make sure of that at a minimum, and their respective comrades are likely to as well, whether intentionally or not.
As much as Howl tries to acknowledge it matter-of-factly, the concern behind his words is apparent. Dextera can hear him sigh, as if it were a word. ]
If I see you again, I'll do what I can. I can promise you that much.
no subject
…
[ dextera sighs too. ]
I’ve killed as many people as I’ve died myself. Please don’t engage me. I don’t want to hurt you.
no subject
[ There being little else that Howl wants to say at the moment, he gets up and adds one final remark before setting his Shard back in his chest. ]
Take care.